cut 'n' paste life v. …

Down to the wire.


Today is the day my landlord uttered the last time I talked with him on Thursday. Monday. We’ll see Monday.


Yeah – we’ll see. Not much, though.


I have next to nothing for him – two hundred dollars, no room mate to cushion the financial burden, and little in the works. Looks like the things I learned in sales are going to come in quite necessary. That, and some outright begging.

 I know things will get better soon – I know there is something just around the corner. There is nothing but possibility, nowhere to go but up. It needs to happen now.


I now at least have a home phone, and my internet access will be restored on the 30th, they say. Why the hell does it take so fucking long?


Began learning from Tantra today, we started with breathing techniques – Pranayama – certain ways to induce deep meditation. I’m looking forward to working with that later today when I get home. Going away for a bit. Coming home to me.

We also touched on some energy channeling, bringing it up through the chakras, moving it around the body, directing it, raising it. This is what I’m incredibly interested in – fascinated by. I remember when I regularly practiced wiccan macicks, and how beautiful that was – the strength it gave me, the way it opened me – but there is so much more. As beautiful as it is, it is only one small aspect of energy work, and there are entirely different worlds to explore, to learn from, to use – to grow from. She will be an amazing teacher. I’m looking forward to it. I already feel a small bit of that part coming back – the part I’ve been neglecting, the part I have forgotten in the interruption of trying to take care of life.

Silly me. I should know this. Take care of the inside, and the outside works with it.


I can create my own outside.


We talked a little about her experiences, and she said, among other things, that she was even at times able to make people orgasm solely with energy = without even touching the other person. Once even in a different state, as she tapped into the energy of someone close to her to make her stronger.


If I ever learn to do that – look out, Cole. You’re in for a fun ride.


I get to do some modeling for her in the beginning of December, which I’m also excited about, and honored that she asked me. Check out her work at – I get to turn into something like those!



Saw one of the most amazing movies I’ve seen in a while earlier tonight, thanks to Kevin. “What the bleep do we know?” is it’s name. Truly astounding, and goes hand in hand with all that I’m being told to do.


The subject was Quantum Mechanics – the theories based on what the hell is going on, what energy is, and how, in each thing we do, we affect all that is around us and ourselves. We create, we manifest, absolutely everything that happens in our lives by what we say, what we think, what we feel about ourselves and others. Yeah. No shit. I could have told you that – but they did it much better.


Magick explained in scientific theory.


Go see it.


Alright, I have to get the fuck to sleep.



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