Watching Fight Club right now.
Wondering why (but not really too concerned with) why it is that when I watch movies or read books about people that maybe just aren’t as right as our society deems (imagines, creates, infuses with it’s selective morality and corrupt standards) as its ideas of what “right” is, it sparks something inside of me and I feel a bit more comfortable, a bit more alive, a bit more at peace – and it all seems strangely familiar.
Oh, the things we suppress. What is squirming around inside of us? What do we have that could completely stand the world on end if we let it loose – gave it breath – acknowledged its life?
No. Can’t do that.
Everyone resume the game they’re playing. Everyone pretend that nothing is happening, go about your business, and roll your dice. If you work at it hard and long enough, really put your nose to the grindstone, follow the rules, get to work on time, deny the pain and the madness and the ennui and completely lose all that you are in search of the dream that they told you to dream, you just might win.
Fuck, I’m in a strange mood.
I like it.
Shit. I’ll never find a job this way…
But see, there’s a catch.
(There’s always a catch.)
The things I want to do. Learn, travel, experience, grow, give…
It comes with a price. It all comes with a price. Many things don’t necessitate one in a monetary sense, but still, many do. It’s a matter of survival. We’re caught,
but not defeated.
All there is, is to shine as brightly as we can, never losing sight of what we need. Never giving in, never handing our lives and our own dreams over wrapped in our soul in order to make it one step further to a lovely little retirement in geriatricville. Never succumbing to the temptation of personal drama in order to feel substantiated or validated – or just in order to feel. Maybe that’s what happens. We lose ourselves so completely in trying to be a “success” that we need to create situations around us simply to bring us back to life, to remind us that we’re human.
Love. Breathe. Wonder. Explore. Dream. Go back to the eyes of a child. Look around and, again, and see how much beauty there is in everything with this remembered knowledge. You’ll see how everything shines so incredibly brightly, and how it’s all a part of you. You’ll walk down the street with a warmth and subtle smile, knowing that this is the only thing that truly matters. Try to remember it, because if you aren’t careful, it will be taken away again, suffocated in the mundane. Do everything you can to keep it, and give it away at each opportunity. Eventually, you will know. The language of your story will become true, you will repair your wings with paste and bandages, and learn to fly again.
That is success.
It is time to follow my dreams, regardless of how terrifying it may be at times, or the false sense of security that I must give up to do walk this path. I have lived far too long as someone else’s pawn.
It is time to live for me, to remember who I am and do what I can to help, to give, to remember how to love myself – and in doing so,
perhaps inspire others to do the same.