A month organizing, at least. No less than two hundred emails about the specifics for one show. Projects organized and scrapped. Weeks being consumed with every aspect, greeting the emails at first conciousness in the morning and last thing before my eyes closed for the night, every thought about how it might be better or what to do about this or that. Falling into a beautiful swirling world where all I can do is encourage and recommend and hope for the best.

April 26, 2005. The Great American Music Hall. The Vau de Vire society, Rosin Coven, and The Dresden Dolls. MC’s by Paul Nathan, with some beauty thrown in by $teven Ra$pa.

It happened, and it couldn’t have been more perfect. So much beauty, so many incredible people that gave their time, energy, and creativity just simply for a few hours of doing what they love to do – and because of them, it was the best show we have ever done. Even Amanda said “the show the other night at the great american music hall ranks among my favorite shows EVER.” in one of her extremely rare postings to the  DD forum.

And we grow at a somewhat surreal pace. This is the zeitgeist, and we are only a part of it – one day we will all be gone, but until then, we give all that we have to create and nurture the beauty around us – at any cost. The sacrifices we make are nothing compared to what is happening all around us, and we’re fortunate enough to be a part of it – that’s all.

The DD had a meeting with their new busines manager on Monday, and one of the things they were going to discuss was my salary. Amanda asked for some ammo to go into the meeting with so that they could justify the money spent, so I wrote out a description of what I do and sent it to her. It ended up being three pages long, including a few testimonials that I solicited from people that I have had contact with in The Brigade.

No decision was made on Monday, they put it off for a week, Amanda told me Tuesday on the day of the GAMH show. (Fuck. Okay, a week – but I need money NOW! Alrightalrightalright. I’ll sit tight – but goddamn it, the delays have been going on for way tooo fucking long and I don’t think you understand that when I say broke it means broke without a fucking dime to my name and if it wasn’t for Naia and Sion who have made certain that I had some food and a roof over my head I wouldn’t be able to do shit and NONE of this could have happened but fuck I love what I do for you and fuck I love what we create and yes if I didn’t have them I would probably be at some cafe with free internet drinking water and still trying to do it hands trembling and mind mush because of hunger but yes – I would still do this …)

A week. That’s what you have. I’ll accept it because I understand that you’re busy and things are growing and even though this is everything I have ever wanted to do in my life and because these are the most critical times for all of us (do you even fucking REALIZE how much effort goes into what I do and how much the rest of my life has been neglected for the past number of weeks and how many things I need to do but can’t because in the brief time I get away from it all I want to do is push it al aside and watch a movie with Naia or sleep or just sit and seperate for the briefest amount of time in order to maintain sanity and yes I know I need to clean the house and yes I know I need to fix this or that and yes I know I need to address a couple very important things in my life but this is my passion and this is my priority right now and while all of that suffers Iknow that in a few days after the Sacremento show I will be able to do everything I need to do for myself but not until then until then it is all about US and not me) I will swallow my tongue and set my needs way back and hopw that something good come of it…

And something did.

The show was astounding. Awesome. We didn’t know at the time, but Trent Reznor showed up at the show. Our show. the show we all worked so fucking hard at, and he loved it – especially The Brigade.

My Brigade.

When The Dresden Dolls headline, we always have a number of spots on the list for them as a small way to show our appreciation – it is unfortunately the most we can do right now, but the list spots are ALWAYS open for them at our shows. In the beginning of the tour with Nine Inch Nails, we were told fery clearly that there won’t be ANY for us – hell, the Dresden Dolls arebarely able to get their family and closest friends in – but after the GAMH show, things changed. Amanda called me the next day saying that Trent specified that we now have six Brigade slots for each NIN show. He love us. We opened his eyes and he saw what we were creating, and that changed everything.

I can’t express how incredibly enourmous this is for The Dresden Dolls – but you may get an idea.

The Dresden Dolls Manager – whose job (among a million other things) is to make certain that their overhead costs stay low and manageable, was at the NIN shows. He heard the news. He now realizes how important The Brigade is to the show, as it’s been introduced as more than just something we do – it’s an integral part of the show, and what people come to see and be a part of. We were able to translate it into skyrocketing popularity for him, and touched on what his job is – financial growth.

He saw the results of what I do, and saw how effective I can be at it – by the time the second NIN Warfield show came around, I had confirmed an amazing contortionist/hand balancer, a couple of beautifully costumed stilters with living marionettes, and a puppet master.

Last fucking second. Beautiful people. Incredibly professional. (If anyone wants their info, let me know – they’re the best!)

I love the people I get to work with.

I love what I do…


But it’s Saturday, early afternoon, and there are a bunch of other things I need to do as well – like find a new couch to surf. Hopefully, with the realization that this is far more than a full time job, I will be compensated for my time enough to afford a home and some food. That’s really all I need.

Well, that and a costume budget…



2 responses to “fruition

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