I get it.

All the people on the corner by the liquor store, all of those people you pass asking for a few desperate coins – all they want is to ghange their vision, to imagine their lives are a bit more than they are. They spend it on booze, or dope, or cigarettes.

the simple pleasures.

Such little poing on spending it on food – a person can go a couple days without eating, and hell yeah, you’re hungry, but after you get used to it the hunger pains go away, and the stomach shrinks. Eating again only reminds you of the inescapable hunger and the fact taht when this food is gone you will only want more because you have been reminded of how much your body needs nourisment, and it wants. There are no flavors anymore, only the insatiable hunger when you eat. The hands shake. the body craves – and then it is gone.

Drinking, smoking, are the pleasures that are available. It’s strange how I spend so much less on alcohol when I know that I can buy food tomorrow, but i understand now – I get it. I escape in the alcohol, it doesn’t leave me wanting, it alleviates the pain of the incessant hunger.

It erases the reality of the situation for the time being. A nibble and a pint of bourbon a day, and I am on my way down the hill with no brakes.

I think back to better times and realize how little I drank. I haven’t had those times in years.

I need to be paid. The only thing separating me from the people on the corner are my friends and a roof.

Maybe not even that.

Desperate times call for desperate pleasures, but the pleasures quickly turn to all there is to look forward to.

all there is

and I drown.

16 responses to “

  1. Hoping I get an email from you saying that you’ve recieved a letter in your mailbox and that the the DD just sent me a bajillion dollars in appreciation for what I’ve been doing.
    Besides that, nothing.

  2. I like food. Not to picky these days.
    I LOVE cooking. If you like seafood, I can rock the most amazing things, specializing in salmon and shellfish. I would love to cook for you, but it will have to be on your dime.
    If that turns your crank, let me know what you would enjoy and I’ll go shopping with you.
    Poached salmon in a caper-dill sauce, seared sea scallops in a wasabi cream sauce, Scampi, mussels, or hell – peanut butter and jelly sammiches with wonderful company…
    Speaking of which, is is cool if Naia comes as well?

  3. letter in the mail tomorrow with a bit of something to help through the hunger and the drinking and the terrible time you seem to have trying to type drunk without spelling so many things wrong.
    hold on ksea, soon it will come via Whitney’s mailbox.

  4. hhhmmm… I like the sound of this. I like the sound of this alot. I haven’t had someone else cook for me in a while.
    I’m down for naia coming, especially if she’s up for chipping in. My budget is pretty thin these days…

  5. food!
    Just ask Alley Cat. I’m sucker for a good cook. And I love salmon. I have this arrangement with other friends – I buy, they cook. I’ll tribe you my home email addy. Send me a list of ingredients and overestimate so that there’s leftovers for you to take home.
    Pick a day next week, any day but Monday.

  6. Actually, now that I’m getting a few bucks, I’ll definitely pay for a good part of it. I owe her, you, & everybody, so I’m going to start paying back with yumminess…

  7. Re: food!
    Pants on fire!!!
    We’ll definitely do it another time – it would be great to see you again! I’ll be out of town for about three weeks starting the end of the month, but we’ll get together then…

  8. in order to exist – in order to survive, we all need our dreams. We all need something to look forward to, because sometimes the proverbial idealism of “Now” isn’t where we want to be, and all we have is the possibility of the future or the nostalgic memories of better times in the past which makes warm tears run down our face, battle the cold of today and, hopefully, replinish the passion to find the future we want…
    I didn’t want to get it, and I am, of course, only talking through my own perception – but it, at least to a certain degree, answers the perpetual “why?”, always hoping that they haven’t completely given up.
    I never will, but I’ve certainly come close.
    Wow. happy fucking beautiful Saturday!
    Sorry about the internal rant.
    Okay, time to set up the archery range in the warehouse.

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