I get it.
All the people on the corner by the liquor store, all of those people you pass asking for a few desperate coins – all they want is to ghange their vision, to imagine their lives are a bit more than they are. They spend it on booze, or dope, or cigarettes.
the simple pleasures.
Such little poing on spending it on food – a person can go a couple days without eating, and hell yeah, you’re hungry, but after you get used to it the hunger pains go away, and the stomach shrinks. Eating again only reminds you of the inescapable hunger and the fact taht when this food is gone you will only want more because you have been reminded of how much your body needs nourisment, and it wants. There are no flavors anymore, only the insatiable hunger when you eat. The hands shake. the body craves – and then it is gone.
Drinking, smoking, are the pleasures that are available. It’s strange how I spend so much less on alcohol when I know that I can buy food tomorrow, but i understand now – I get it. I escape in the alcohol, it doesn’t leave me wanting, it alleviates the pain of the incessant hunger.
It erases the reality of the situation for the time being. A nibble and a pint of bourbon a day, and I am on my way down the hill with no brakes.
I think back to better times and realize how little I drank. I haven’t had those times in years.
I need to be paid. The only thing separating me from the people on the corner are my friends and a roof.
Maybe not even that.
Desperate times call for desperate pleasures, but the pleasures quickly turn to all there is to look forward to.
all there is
and I drown.