backwards and forwards and forwards with love and passion.
It’s been a while since I’ve been here, I’ve been busy – though that isn’t the real reason it’s been so long, there just has been so much to say and My head has been in much more of a “get things done” mode than anything else, and when it is like that I tend to lose the imagery and words that are so dear to me.
In a way it is frustrating. I want to paint a million worlds with the words I write, I want to dance with language and lead. It’s difficult when, though I have many places to rest my head, there is no sanctuary for me to find where I can transform into the person who used to be able to close the door to the place that was home, shut MY door, and escape.
This will change soon.
I recieved news yesterday morning that an apartment has now been found in Boston for myself and a dear friend, and I will be driving across the country late August with her to arrive there in the first few days of September.
I’m torn by this, in ways. Though I don’t want to leave this city, there are so many things happening which necessitate my being there that I need to go. If I didn’t want to, I wouldn’t – but it will be hard to leave this place. So incredibly hard – but necessary. The dream is becoming reality – is reality – and it calls, so I follow.
So much to do.
Now that a home (a HOME!) is secured, I need to buy a van to make it there. This will be a bit difficult considering my current financial status, but hell – this is what is supposed to be, and it will happen. The beautiful people on the Beast Coast have even set up a donation thread in order to ease the financial burden, but hell – we’re all broke, so it is only trickling in. If anyone who reads this has an insatiable desire to help me in this move, please go here: http://www.theshadowbox.net/ddbb/viewtopic.php?t=4202 and I will really appreciate it. Unfortunately we are not a non-profit yet, but that will be in the works soon.
So much to do.
So much happening it is making my head swim.
So much beauty.
So much beauty I am leaving behind – but it is necessary.
I remember my childhood – the knowing that I always had something more to offer but never knowing what it was, searching for so much that I couldn’t find, and therefore numbing the pain of incompletion (and other things) by turning to drugs, turning to any escape I could find. Losing so much of my life to that. Forsaking everything.
I want people to know there is a place they can go to become who they are – to have a place where they are accepted, encouraged, embraced. Plans are in the works for a place of sanctuary for all who wish to fint it – a “Brigade House”, which will offer free workshops in all aspects of performing arts, educating, nurturing, letting them be themselves, embracing diversity and welcoming them with open arms. We will start with Boston, and eventually have them all over the world.
This is my dream – and much to the past chagrin of my parents and lovers, my dreams are nothing less than what I know can happen in reality, and though there are many times I (and many other people) have thought myself a fool, and though countless times I have denounced my dreams and tucked them away, they never gave up on me.
This will happen. I’m not fucking around anymore.
Boston better watch the fuck out, because I’m going to turn that place upside-fucking-down. I’m not leaving my heart in San Francisco, I’m bringing San Francisco’s heart with me. Get your costumes ready.
Get yourselves ready.
There’s a lot of work to do, and it isn’t just makeup and dressing pretty. There are things we need to change.
I love you.