Bean, Blue Hair, & ASL

Three weeks today. Her smile adorns me, her necklace is almost done, I just need to get a silver clasp to hold it safely to me, right now it is knotted. It turned out well, but I will change it when I find the beads that were in my head when I envisioned the necklace made of her teeth.
I pour the first sip of bourbon on her sand pit, take much more for myself. She never liked bourbon anyway. I need to be careful. It’s still early, lots to do before tonight begins.

It’s strange being here these days. Talks come to dogs, of how good some are, how well behaved, how wonderful, how cute. I want My Bean to be here, show them all what the perfect companion is. I want to howl her name, scream at them letting them know that they are wrong, My Bean is the best, ever. Still, the tears fall. Her smile is reflected in them.

I miss her so much…

I look at a single blue hair, found much earlier and saved in between pages of a book. This time it brings warmth, and I smile at the uncertain comfort. There is never true comfort in a mirror. I know what lies beneath the image, ready to destroy, trying desperately not to – but there is laughter through tears, there is a darkness that is familiar and home. Words said that mimic my thoughts, my actions of a lifetime. She says the things to me that I tell no one, we exchange different lines of the same warnings as if on cue, the dialogue of lovers. The moon smiles, shines on our faces as we are enfolded in its glow. The steel heart behind us symbolic of our pasts…


Albert, that power stealing bastard, has taken power to the tents and the computer to juice our Halloween thing. Quite fine, but there is a deafening silence in my tent, and fuck – no computer in the barn. Again, a wireless hobo. It will do for now…

Last night we had about seventy five children from the deaf and blind schools come through the trail, and that was an absolute delight. The Creature (Fred) was thrown together in minutes when the call went out that there were 50 people lined up at the gate, I yelled at people to get me some fucking lighting and cut myself off in half sentence realizing the futility and did what I could myself. It was a beautiful evening when the initial madness calmed down, really – the highlight being when one of the deaf girls in a group pointed at Fred (me), staring at him with wonder in her eyes as she backed up, as he advanced – and then she gave the sign for “I love you”.

That stopped Fred short. His eyes softened, he placed his front legs wide and bowed deeply in gratitude to this beautiful little girl, and then rose, and pointed the way out, watching as she left…

I wonder where I will end up after the Vipassana retreat. Everthing inside wants to come back here, to The Enchanted Forest, and truly become a part of it. Come back to other things, as well. One other in particular.

I don’t know. Those answers will come.

6 responses to “Bean, Blue Hair, & ASL

  1. aw! This post made me smile. I’m glad that you have found some happiness here at the forest. Especially now. Speaking of….I have such strong feelings of guilt for not being able to help out more like I initially expected I would. Work has just been kicking my ass lately. Anyway, I just found you here today via a comment in Logan’s journal. You mind if I read? All my posts are locked, so I’ll add you to my friends list. Oh…are there any pictures of “Fred”? 🙂

  2. Hey darlin’!
    Don’t feel guilty at all about not being able to lend a hand, life gets in the way sometimes.
    Unfortunately, no shots of Fred yet. I’m going to ask Beruzula to take some tomorrow…

  3. well I got better than a picture! I saw you walking the trail ahead of us….I knew you would be jumping out somewhere….but…you still scared me when you jumped out. “Fred”‘s got that cameleon thing down, yo. 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s