I give this, I give nothing. Close your eyes now and be safe. I don’r know what will come out, I don’t know if anything will, I do not invite you here – it is your choice. I step outside of my van to piss, cold hands holding a flaccid cock is so much less than fun, a quick intake of breath. I shut off the radio and line up Tom Waits as I get back into the van. I think of beautiful songs on broken radios –

I think of something I can’t stop thinking about. I think of the desire to leave here, to find the road again, not sure if I can make it until the New Moon in January. So far away and I would love to watch this place forever dissapear in my rearview a million yesterdays ago. I should never have stopped, but hell – I’m a performance slut., Unfortunately there was a very swet song on a broken radio involved 0 yeah, I’ve been listening to John Prine, and she’s broken and I thirst for a sincere Good Bye to all – it will only be by accident that I see any of you again – but FUCK, my desired departure date is more than a month away – If I make that, then I am a bit more than I thought I was. More than likely, it will be by impulse. Somewhere after New Years. I will spit on the ground and leave that to remember me by.

I will remember all of you – it is one of my curses. I remember.

I can’t wait until the new moon. On a strange day I wil dissapear, with no desire to ever travel a route that takes me anywhere close to texas again.

Still spittin’, a sincere thank you to Jenn, who gave me a gift of a beautiful set of Hibbens Throwing knives. The target will be set up tomorrow – in betwiin creating the gifts for the Forest people for The Solstice. For dinner, I will cook steamed mussels – a subtle party, the chosen people invited, none by me.

Simply to dissapear, Soon.

Cole. Cole in only a few days. An anchor, someone who I love, and is strong enough to love me back. a dear, dear friend who hasn’t run – who comes constantly closer with her heart. Cole, Cole.

I think, I remember.

I remember.She is the one who gives me comfort. She, she. She wraps me, I am inside. In her, with her holding me, Only then I am safe. Only then have I ever been, when not alone. Cole. I don’t wan’t to be outside. I want you wrapped around me.

Okay, wine. I love wine, I blather., I hate you in silence and I love me in the same. I swallow this bitter taste and say Good Bye and I hope that I never see you again.

It’s as simple as that. it can’t come soon enough.

As long as I am away from here for the New Moon in January.

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