“Joy is like a river: it flows ceacelessly. It seems to me that this is sthe message which the clown is trying to convey to us, that we should participate through ceaceless flow and movemene, that we should not stop to reflect, compare, analyze, possess, but flow on and through, like music. This is the gift of surrender, and the clown makes it symbollically. It is for us to make it real.

At no time in the history of man has the world been so full of pain and anguish. Here and there, however, we meet with individuals who are untouched, unsullied, by the common grief. They are not heartless individuals, far from it! They are imancipated beings. For them, the world is not what it seems to us. They see with other eyes. We say of them that they have died to the world. They live in the moment, fully, and the radiance that emanates from them is a perpetual song of joy.

The circus is a tiny closed-off arena of forgetfulness. For a space it enables us to lose ourselves, to dissolve in wonder and bliss, to be transported by mystery. We come out of it in a daze, saddened and horrified by the everyday face of the world. But the old everyday world, the world with which we imagine ourselves to be only too familiar, is the only world, and it is a world of magic, of magic inexhaustible. Like the clown, we go through the motions, forever simulating, forever postponing the grand event. We die struggling to get born. We never were, never are. We are always in the process of becoming, always seperate, always outside.”

Henry Miller, from a forward to his book ‘The Smile at the Foot of the Ladder’

Who I am becoming, who I always have been deep inside, desperatly waiting. Foolishly waiting. I began all of this as a clown – a Klown. Far before that, before the make-up, there was the knowledge of who I am. Yhere was always who I wanted to be. It is in finding the peace, it is in the surrender that life begins, and there is no line between inside or outside the circus tent.

I dance as hard as I can, and the smile never fades. This is all I have – everything is all I have, and everything is mine. This is what I know. This is what I know.

If you don’t, then take this dare; Dance with me.

Close your eyes to see the stars when the lights of a city make them fade. Imagine a dawn over the Eastern Sea even if you’ve never see it or see it every day, see it always for the first time. Let it wash over you as if it is the last. Remember the sunsets in the west. Don’t forget to look up and watch the birds in their flight, Find them, if you can, when you hear them call. Follow the roads that you have been shown, and don’t question them. GO. There is nothing more amazing than sailing whichever way the wind blows you. I have all my sails set, I have given up the rudder, and my smile has never been more sincere – or more frequent.

Laugh. Laugh at everything, laugh with life and its’ absurdities, it;s trials, and the conquests.

It’s only today, it’s only now.

Sing a perpetual song of joy.

Grow, and grow the fuck up. Come to a place wher you finally know that nothing matters, everything is as it should be, and…

smile.

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