feeling dirty.

a day, a strange day, with sorrow too profound to describe – far from Bean, this was worlds that eclipsed any joy inside of me. I can’t explain it, nor do I want to. It happens sometimes. It just happens, then (and this is the part i forgot – it’s been seven years) it turns to a bright, bloodyred rage, anger, lustful passion where flesh is the beginning and end where I want to cause and feel exquisite pain. where i slam my fist on the metal arm of the chair for the sheer pleasure of it, and laugh a strange and unfamiliar laugh. These are the times I wish I were a cutter these are the times I am grateful I am not this is the time I wish the needles were not in my van and instead by my side through my flesh these are the times where blood tastes better than bourbon and I want to hold your heart up to my face muscles still beating as the juice drips onto my tongue the blood then the bite the tearing of flesh, unclean I always have been and fuckfuckfuck I want you to drip down my chin I want all of you all that I can never have I want to be as close as i never can be I want you to drip down my chin I want to look into your half-closed eyes and see that strange and beautiful smile on your face and you are no one you are a fantasy only created in words and you don’t exist, you are a dream, an illusion, a thirst, an insatiable lust, and you are mine in the wet, dark, dirty depths of my mind. A desire i haven’t felt in months reaches down a desire for flesh is awakened I want to do all those things I do to you I want my sweat to drip into your mouth I want to I want to I want to slap your face as you cum I want to drag my fingernails down your back as you bend over for me I want to stretch you bind you blind you with passion rip you apart drink everything you offer me be everything for you I am this I am this with you but I don’t know who you are but still I will consume you bit by bit all of you inside of me your flesh is my strength and my strength is immeasurable my passion creates worlds and rips them apart with the same ease and for a few brief hours, my world is you and we are the only thing that matter I taste your blood you drink my sweat you stretch to accept me the pains are all the life that matters for now we are all that matters for now and we stain the sheets and scar our flesh that is the only thing besides the memory that remains as the next day comes.

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