It wasn’t even a consideration this year. How could it be? Maybe next year, maybe the year after – but not this one. This year I’m going to Europe, and that’s the plan. I’m going to hit the festivals, wander the backroads aimlessly and beautifully alone, going wherever I want. There is no room to fit it in with the trip to Europe and all that needs to be done for that.

Plans change.

In a beautiful conversation with Stardust, images of 2003 started rolling through my mind, through my heart. The beauty, the people, things that can’t be seen or experienced anywhere else.

Things I need.

I realized tat a large part of the reason I wasn’t planning it was a completely irrational fear. How will I get there? How will I afford a ticket, and everything else I need? Where will I camp? Strange little fears, and when I thought about them, then looked back at the insanity of my life for the past year, I shook my head at myself, rolled my eyes, and realized how far I had come. Those were the fears of 2003, where I was just a baby in this tribe of beautiful people, hardly knowing anyone, still self-concious and insecure, still intimidated by these people who couldn’t be real – completely overwhelmed and feeling less than everyone else – but I had Berlin Jessica there to guide me, to show me around, to experience it with, as i stared with the wide eyes of a newborn experiencing life for the first time – but better. This is a chosen life, and everything I had always wanted but didn’t know existed…
As I saw the fears for what they are, laughed and walked through them, the excitement began to build – and will for months to come.

This year, regardless of what it takes, I’m going to Burning Man.

Somehow,I’m going home again.


8 responses to “flux

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