Sitting on my couch in my tattered kimono from BM ’03, the right sleeve only held on by a few small stitches on the seam anymore – but comfort is key right now, and this is it.
Feeling sick – feverish, weak & exhausted, and I *don’t* get sick. I can’t remember the last time I was, which is completely backwards for someone who has treated themselves as I have.
My body has resorted to the non-drinking sleep patterns – ie a few restless hours a night, and without question it had also become so accustomed to the steady diet of large quantities of bourbon that is now revolting – and wondering what the hell these wonderful smoothies I’ve been constantly drinking have done with the hootch. Except for the Vipassana retreat in November, I believe this may be one of the longest times I’ve gone without drinking *any* alcohol since the early evening of September 28th
Sorry, Body. You’re mine for now, and, well – you’re just going to have to deal with me taking care of you from time to time. Trust me – we’ll both like you better, and hell, we have a photoshoot with the incredible Pixie on the eve of the 13th of April, so you had *better* be in decent shape for that.
Oh – and yeah – actually being in the physical presence of the beautiful Stardust beginning early that morning for the very first time. (!!!)
I’m actually enjoying the small battle inside, wanting to drink but when I have the notion to fiish the 1/2 pint of Jim Beam sitting since that evening in my cubboard, I raise my eyebrows tauntingly at myself and say “Oh really? ya want a drink, huh?” knowing that if I drink what’s in my cubblard right now, it won’t be enough and I’ll be back to the store, and start this shit all over again. I’ve gotten pretty good over the years at chuckling many of my weaknesses away. Ain’t too much stronger – or more magickal – than laughter.
So, tomorrow hopefully to Whole Foods to get some Melatonin or some herbs that will help me rest my weary, feverish head until my body stops being such a whiny little bitch, hoping I don’t have to resort in tying myself up and punishing me with my floggers.
Wow. What a pshychological mess *that* would create.
(But it may make for some interesting photographs…)
In other news, thanks to Cole and her car jack, I now have a new tire, so after a couple weeks, i am once again mobile! Also thanks to Cole I now have a phone. It’s pretty and takes pictures and short video and has internet access and dumb games and a calendar and alarm clock and a radio and a voice recorder – and dig this – can even CALL PEOPLE I need to talk to! I tell ya, modern technology has come a long way since my last phone for about the same price – about nine months ago.
So – if you’re a friend and you want my number, let me know. You got it.
If you’re an acquantance and want it, let me know why. I’m not a mundane-phone-chat kind of person.
And that brings me to the benefit of involutarily waking up at 5am this morning. I changed my number to a New Orleans area code, designed and ordered business cards thanks to a *great* site Stardust introduced me to – gotprint.net -, went for a sleepwalk around the French Quarter on this incredibly beautiful day, ending up at a place called Fifi Mahoney’s where I bought some fixitave spray for my makeup, as I find powder to be a pain in the ass as it seems I may be slightly alergic to it, and it’s difficult to be a serious statue with eyes watering and nose running.
Last but certainly not least in this update, another beautiful package from Stardust full of magick and love and glitter – that’s where the little bottle of gold glitter came from. Glam Rock Mail! and one lovely item of a deep blue velvet that I am using to hold this wonderful tattered kimono tied around my waist, so the heat on the bottom of the computer has at least a thin barrier between it and – um… well, let’s just say that the warmth feels pretty good.
We’ll leave it at that.
OH! One more thing. I had a dream last night, and there was an address that was very prominent in it. Stardust was there, but (sorry darlin’) the address seemed of more imidiate importance. I’m going to google it right after I post this, but if anyone knows about it – well, it seemed important, for whatever reason, i don’t know. 717 Broadway – Something like The Marion House, or Maroon house – I can’t read my writing…