Up at a decent hour, one I haven’t seen in many Saturdays unless it was simply to get a glass of water or piss before going back to sleep. Did the rirst full (yet short) yoga routine I’ve done in months, made a smoothie, some yerba mate, pulled a polaroid picture out of the pocket of the white pants I wear under my skirt for the statue, smiled warmly, and replaced it. I begin preparing for another long and beautiful day performing in Jackson Square.
I have been given two names there; Krishna Warrior, from an odd homeless woman who sometimes happens by, and “The White Duke of Decatur Street” by a little kindergoth girl named Ash, who a few weekends ago came up to me and sang quietly
“i can paint my face
and stand very very still
its not very practical
but it still pays the bills…”
a line from a Dresden Dolls song. It was cute. The next weekend she came up to me, excited to announce to me that “YOU’RE kSea!” I guess that she had watched the DVD again and made the connection…
It has been five days since I have woken up bleary eyed and reeking like bourbon. I’m digging this not drinking thing. There is too much to do for that to get in the way, even just a little bit, anymore. I’ve got a Circus and Circus School to help create, I have a beautiful home to find, and an extroardinarily beautiful woman who I will never drunkenly waste the precious little amount of time we are able to spend together again.
Through months – perhaps years, of drinking too much, this is the first time I have ever really felt the impact it may have on others, although many friends have expressed their concern. I never want to waste another second with Stardust.
Besides – if I was able to do this much as a drunk, imagine what is possible now? There are so many things to learn, so many things to give. There is macick to explore, there are lives to help better, and I need to begin with mine.
I know myself well enough to completely prohibit myself from drinking – I can’t help but challenge *anyone*, including myself, who tells me I *can’t* do something, but it will be drastically limited – and I’m feeling a new empowerment, a fresh breath of air, much different than the previous times I
the previous times I did this, where it felt much more like something I *had* to do instead of something I wanted to do.
There is so much beauty in my life right now, things that I have dreamed of are happening, and I won’t play the fool anymore.
Enough of this, just had to write. Time to – time to what? Statue up? Become the White Duke of Decatur? I dig that moniker. So close to Bowie’s “Thin White Duke”…