listening…

It’s because of all I want to do in the near future. It’s because I’ve worn myself down, lost myself at times, in the desperation that comes from my standards of living these days – standards built from years of living in squallor which I have firmly decided I will never go back to. Been there, done that – I want more for myself these days as far as a place to call home.

I do, however, have a talent that can make any place home, as long as I feel secure, as long as I have what I need around me – and that’s
what I’m betting on with this place I just signed the month-to-month lease for.

Post-Katrina, in a market that is purely the landlords, where apartments go the same hour they are posted and/or viewed, went out today
with intention and a brief concentration and direction of energy. I had spoken to one of the multitude of people I called who were renting
about a one bedroom for $875 – it had already been rented, but he found out less than an hour before we talked that one of the tennants
in another property was moving out, and he mentioned it to me – explained it. Told me of the apartment, told me of the rent.. and I was hesitant. I want more, but fuck – an open apartment in NOLA? I thought about it in the few hours before we met. This will enable me to do so many things I want to in the coming months, this will enable me to save money and find a good place as the work gets better – and better it is getting. More on that later…

I have found a place for a paltry $400 a month. Given, it’s just a
small room with a decent closet, kitchen, and normal sized bathroom; given, part of the roof over the kitchen is missing, ripped off by Katrina and covered with
the Blue Tarp of Semi-Shelter – but I’ve created much less into an incredibly comfortable palace, and the roof will be repaired soon.

I have an apartment in New Orleans, that I can make rent on in a halfway decent four days statuing in Jackson Square. No more stress over rent.
No more worrying about roommates. The tiny little place is mine, and I move in June 1st.

Without question, in early August I am going to Edinburgh for a few weeks to perform at the Fringe Festival, then either to San Francisco or back to New Orleans, and then, to the Playa. Black Rock City. Burning Man. Home again.

Of course, logistics still need to be figured out – but that will happen as it should, as always.

I find in myself a bit of growth with this. Where usually I would have looked at this space and shunned it, this time, I looked at it and saw all of the possibilities – and the freedom it will offer.

I listened.

There will be a time in the future where I will have the home that takes more than five seconds to wald from one end to the next, but thanks to this place, i’ll get plenty of
walking done in Scotland and at Burning Man – and have a place to come back to.

Besides – how could I possibly miss Burning Man this hear? Not only have I commited to myself that I would go – but, what seems like ages ago, i made a promise to a beautiful woman that we would have a date there – and nothing could make me break that…

~~~***~~~

It still hasn’t hit me, this home thing – the stress is still there, way down deep inside. It’s all I’ve known for years, always in the back of my mind – as much as I have tried to remain positive about everything, always hopeful – but it will come, and I will be better.

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2 responses to “listening…

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