If it isn't at the bottom of this bottle

if all the things I search for, if all of the things I run away from don’t show themselves to me
as I pour out the last remaining drops from this bottle of bourbon and hold it up to my eye
hold it up to all I ever wanted to be and search for what I need…

If what I need is not there again and again and again this time
making me nothing of all I could be
making the language of my story slurred and
frustrating, painfully frustrating

perhaps the answer isn’t there. Perhaps
I should look other places and put this final bottle
of Jim Beam Black on a shelf as a reminder
to see every day
to look at and laugh silently to myself
knowing
finally knowing again
that this is not where I should be
and I could be so much better
and I just may be the someone that some people see in me
and i just might take care of myself
and I just might feel like I am worth it
worth more than the over and done with of late

selfish bastard

and i just might
be worth you
and
so much more importantly
I just might
be worth
me.

months of away I don;t want to know
I run from everything I search
for everything I can’t find
and no one can fix anything
no one else but me
taking me away from me and finding again
me
not at the bottom of this bottle
there is no peace here
only the desired nothingness
and the empty bottle of bourbon
reflects too much.

Am I up for this challenge?
Challenge brings growth. i have taken myself away, and

I want to bring me back.

I am not unaccustomed to pain.
I welcome this
I welcome this.

A new adventure.

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