The tears began last night as I stood out on the balcony, as I preparedmyself for what today might bring. I remembed every minute detail from one year ago, getting out of Alberts truck after helping him begin to set up the sails we would set up to make certain that the wedding was protected from the weather, seeing Deb and Baruzula come towards us, and then Deb turning to Baru and asking her to help. I asked if there was anything I could help with…silence… they stopped, then Baru looked up, tears streaming down her face…

“Casey, I’m so sorry…”

I looked at her, I knew and my life drained out of me. I reached back, shaking, and sat down on the bumper of Albert’s truck…

Last night I had a dream. I had a puppy – it wasn’t Bean, but it was Beans energy, and we were playing – I don’t remember any more of the dream, but I got the message, and I woke up smiling, remembering fondly the times we had together.

The tears still fall, and they will – but there is a warm smile that they fall past.

I love you, Bean.

I miss you.

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And wasting little time, the boy gets back into the West Coast swing of things…

Vau de Vire Society, Gofferman, Angelo Moore, etc. TOMORROW!

You know what I would really dig? I would absolutely love it if YOU went to this.

Yes, you.

If you don’t, I’ll try to understand, and it will still be the absolutely amazing, phenominal, jaw-dropping, eye-popping, hair standing, oooh! and Ahhhh!-ing, sense elevating and multiplying (wait – I thought I only had five common senses – where did these other three come from, and damn – why can’t I experience them ALL the time!) Epicurian, Circusian delight that we have all come to love these amazingly talented and sexy people for – yeah, it will still be all that and more…

but without YOU, there will be just that tiny bit that’s missing, that piece that we just can’t put our finger on, but notice that it’s not there.

We hope to see you.

(I may or may not bring out a version of my four-legged stilt character, last seen in an Enchanted Forest in Austin many, many months ago…)

~ kSea flux

Sept. 23rd (LoveFest after-party)
Bohemian Carnival – @ DNA Lounge, 375 11th st., SF www.dnalounge.com, $15, 9pm-late
You’ve asked for it and now we finally deliver…a monthly circus orgy in our own backyard. Vau de Vire, Circus Metropolis and bi-polar productions are bursting with excitement in announcing the inaugral launch of a tittilating monthly event at our favorite venue in town. Taking place every 3rd Sat. of the month, Vau de Vire Society and Gooferman along with a variety of Local, National and International guests will offer up a unique night of entertainment for those of you itching to shake your ass in an interactive debauched party. If you only leave the house once a month, then Bohemian Carnival should be your soul/sole stop.

Sept. 23rd Line up:
Vau de Vire Society www.vaudeviresociety.com
Gooferman www.gooferman.com
Angelo Moore (Fishbone) and Jila (Rabbit in the Moon)
The Jazz Mafia www.jazzmafia.com
El papachango (El Circo) www.elcirco.org
Xeno www.xenodrome.com
1 Man Banjo www.1manbanjo.com
The art-magic of Shrine (Lucent Dossier, LA)
Tim Barsky
w/ Vatra, Keno & Aza, EOTOE, Klown Kollective, Fire Arts Collective… and many more sexy Freaks abound.

more info. @ www.bohemiancarnival.net
www.vaudeviresociety.com

Without question, one of the sweetest "miss you" messages I have ever recieved…

…so of course, I had to post it here.
(From Cameron)

Subject Don’t make us come get you!!!
Message New Orleans misses you too!!

I’m sorry we all left you this summer in the heat to tend to our lives for us… but we came home just to wave goodbye. DAMNIT!

So I went out the other night and…. EVERYONE misses you, deeply. You know the crew. We are conspiring to come get you and drag you back. Its cooling down. Tourists are back in town, most are back from thier travels, gigs aplenty and focus from many.

It’s just not the same without you.We can’t replace you and we leave little white and red flowers on yur spots in the square. (sniffles)

We sat around and toasted you lamenting lamenting… you who can never be replaced, loved by so many.

If you ever want to come home remember the long list of us who were gone through those hot monthes who all love and miss ya. Shall I start naming names?
Smooches

exhausted, but thoughts still come. I say this
and then sleep. Quiet the thoughts. Quiet.

I lay in a borrowed bed and wonder of my plans.
I wonder why. I made it here but I don’t want to stay,
and each day for weeks I ask myself why L.A.?
I knew, I don’t anymore. Many reasons.
I don’t want to be here
I don’t want to be there I don’t think, or when I think too much
anywhere.
Far behind everything outside that is seen
there is fear
and sometimes I don’t have the ways to push it back.

I lay in a borrowed bed
and wonder of my plans.

transbay paper scratches

With all that my life is and has been, how can my heart still be so fragile?

Cursed in the infatuation with romance, cursed by something fueled by the need for a life that dances with poetry, cursed by dreams and condemned to the permanent adolescence of the heart, the symptom of the disease, the disease is romance. The disease is a blessing. What else but the heart of a child can see utopia in grains of sand and a bucket?

 

Hopeless? Yes, but look again.

Look again.

In all of the words, in all of the lines somewhere between there is hope.

 

What is a hopeless romantic without hope?

Perhaps I am a fool but I prefer to think not. Perhaps a fool and if so I would rather be a fool with dreams than an empty man with a paper heart. I don’t suffer fools well.

 

I kissed you with all of me. I kissed you with the life of me and felt yours. I kissed you with my heart and there was only one then, only one between us and it was ours and in your arms, in your eyes there was no need for words.

 

Perhaps I am a fool but I prefer not to think so. If I am I will suffer myself gladly. Better a fool still believing in romance and the flight of dreams than a heart that dies of starvation. I only ask for anything but silence.  Anything. Either spit in my face or kiss it once again. In your silence nothing is complete and I vanish.

Don't know what to think about this…

Flattered, though a bit uneasy…
Zoe somehow found me shortly after I began this journal – or through Tribe, I don’t recall. We’ve had some great on-line conversations and have a mutual admiration for each other, but this is kind of freaky – freaky in an incredibly sweet way.

I think I should just accept it as a beautiful gift – but still – I’m not accustomed to things like this…

http://zoe-novak.livejournal.com/

It’s down a couple, under “4 kSea”

Don't know what to think about this…

Flattered, though a bit uneasy…
Zoe somehow found me shortly after I began this journal – or through Tribe, I don’t recall. We’ve had some great on-line conversations and have a mutual admiration for each other, but this is kind of freaky – freaky in an incredibly sweet way.

I think I should just accept it as a beautiful gift – but still – I’m not accustomed to things like this…

http://zoe-novak.livejournal.com/

It’s down a couple, under “4 kSea”