As I cross the bridge on the bus i look out over the water, like I always did, from one side to the other, taking it all in again. Gods, how I love being a passenger across the Bay Bridge.
In to the city today.
The City. San Francisco. I need to take care of a few things. A couple commitments. It’s time.
Off on First & Mission, then walk up to Market. New Orleans still hangs inside of me, and I almost feel a bit out of place in the busy professional bustle, suits and ties and everyone looking the same, everything so clean. Everything so…
so open and alive, I guess. Travellng the elevated freeways through Oakland on the way there I noticed that something was strange – then I realized what it was.
Not a Blue Roof to be seen. Anywhere.
I don’t know why, but it felt wrong. Artificial. I can’t explain it…
I hop the N Judah and it takes me along paths well known, but somehow so far in the past. It must have been more than a year. A year is nothing. It seems like ten or twenty, except that everything looks the same.
Out to Ocean Beach, where I spread Connie’s ashes, then Beans. I step back, and the white edge of the Sea comes and claims Bean & Connie to her.
Connie made it to California, to the ocean – just like he wanted to.
Bean will continue to play here. She always got so excited when we started getting closer to the beach…
I walk a bit, pick up a couple stones to send to Deanne, take a couple of pictures with my phone so she can see where Connie has been.
Then it was my turn. I stood for a while, closed my eyes, and.. just stood. Feeling how good it was to be back. Feeling the energy, listening to her again. I walked closer, just a bit past the tide line and stood, looking out at the ocean. I crouch down, waiting for the next whispering remainder of a wave to come close so I can touch it again. It’s been a long time. A wave comes in, and just as I think it will simply wrap around the bottom of my boots another one combines with it. I have a few seconds to get out of the way – but fuck it. I laugh as my boots are submerged, then feel the cold trickle of water as it gets into my boots. I laugh a bit more, shake my head.
I guess this is what I get for being away from her for so long.
…I missed you too.
Then I walked down Haight and through the Mission, blah blah blah. Used books and thrift stores, a crepe and coffee and solitude and walking and my socks finally stopped squishing.