a thirst. inevitable. a moment of solitude brings words. in a mind cluttered, a being ungrounded, my life scattered but my heart intact. I’ve lost myself, briefly, I’ve lost myself and i’ve been looking for months but in the search I always find more. i find more but still don’t know, can’t rest, have no bed, no sanctuary. Sanctuary of solitude, a place alone. me and nothing. no one. my life scattered, but still, that is small, I manage, I always will – but I don’t like the thoughts I’ve been having recently, I know better than these, I know better. Just passing thoughts, but ones I haven’t had in a while, not since Austin, and I’m far less lost, and I have her smile around my neck, and man, would she be pissed. I have a lot to do here.
Sometimes, though. Sometimes, I’m scared. Terrified but I hide it well. I hide me well. I think we all do. I give you layers, I give you intimacy, honesty, me and my dreams. Dreams and fears, less fears. I’m learning, fewer fears and this is a new age. New me. New you? Just fucking new. We evolve and you better fucking catch up. I better stick around, because I hate her and her and her and her for leaving and I promised I would stay, for me, for you. We all have a lot to learn, and I think I can teach you something.
Something amazing, something so simple.
I think I can remind you how to dream – and to believe that your dreams can come true – WILL come true – if you allow them to. I teach myself this daily – or – I try to remember. I know, you know – deeep down inside, you fucking know – REMEMBER, beyotch. Dig it. REACH. Really, it’s simple.
Start now, if you haven’t already – we’re waiting for you, and yeah – you got it, you can.
In other news:::
I bought meself a resonator guitar, and I’m learning it. It arrived in the mail yesterday. I don’t know shit about playing a guitar, but I will.
I have a beautiful woman who likes being by my side, who makes me incredibly happy every time I look into her eyes, and many more times
I’m digging my work with my circus folk and great things are coming
I will be drinking a lot less at the end of the year
I have amazing friends, and I love them all
I don’t see them often enough, but I’m working on that
She’s a redhead, that woman I mentioned before, and I jst say that for something to say – and her eyes are fire, glowing
I’m mostly happy, and it’s time to shut the fuck up and sleep.
I won’t leave you. I promise. I would rather be a thorn in your side than a memory of something that could have been, I would rather spend days fixing your wings than minutes cutting them off. FLY. It’s easy. If you doubt that, watch me, leap, and catch up. We’ll fly together.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you. fucker. Don’t ever doubt that.