SA SHISHA wrote:
kSea flux wrote:
> > > ..and those things are what dictate my life,
> > > those things are the knowledge that I live my
> > > life by, and gods, it is an exquisite life
> > > one that I wouldn’t trade for anything – but
> > > times – at times, all I have learned, all I
> > > believe, all of the knowledge we have had
> > > we began – well, the outside forces get a bit
> > > too much.
> > >>>Thats why i dont let them in. I have a small
> > group of close friends and really work hard to
> > keep stress and drama out of my life. Ive hit
> > rock bottom a few times in the past year..but
> > have managed to wipe off my knees and get back
> > up to doing what I love to do.
> ~ ~ ~ Ahh, but my dear – one of the things that
> inspire me is the depth of sorrow. There are
> some things that you cant help but let in, and
> process – that is what makes us sronger.
> My Bean, my beautiful friend and pup, is a good
> case in point. She was/is the best thing that
> ever happened to me, and honestly, literaly,
> kept me alive at times. When she suddenly
> Yeah, try to not let that in…..
> Pain will come, and needs to – but it’s the way
> that it is processed that makes all the
> difference. When it’s at that magnitude I can’t
> absorb it and pretend it didn’t happen, I NEED
> to let it in, process it in my own way, think
> about it – and let it go *through* me. Sure – I
> still shed tears every time I think about her –
> but her passing – and other challenges we face
> through our beautiful lives – are not to be
> dwelt on. I learn. We all must. That is the
> beauty of life, the magick, and, if you will,
> the flux and morph.
> Of course, there are simple challenges that i
> laugh at, and continue on – but some, some…
> some we NEED to take in, try to know the lesson,
> and then, continue.
> There most certainly is a Utopia, but not in the
> general belief. Utopia is obtained (by us
> simple souls) by realizing pain, knowing what it
> is, and having the mind to choose otherwise.
> My belief is that the lower we go, the higher we
> can reach, because we know and have felt the
> other side. I – and perhaps you, have had sorrow
> and joy imesurable by most standards. The Utopia
> lies in the knowledge of joy that we know.
> ~~Thinking about that, have I, searching for
> myself and the proverbial “Nirvana”
> inside of me – do I create, looking for the
> highest a being can go – do I manifest the
> lowest? No, I don’t think so, but…
> Whoa. Whoa whoa whoa.
> Paridigm change in deep order.
> ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
> I do not look for the pain, but admittedly,
> sometimes create it. I am aware that everything
> that happpens in my life is of my own creation.
> We create our own reality, plain and simple.
> > > This is when I vent. This is when I choose to
> > > support the local liquor stores just a bit,
> > > write.
> > >>>yea..i support my bowl (and vice versa);>
> > Put everything down and release the
> > > thoughts and feelings, and as I do so, I know
> > > that that is all they are – thoughts and
> > > feelings. Release, let them go out of me so I
> > > can move on from them. They *are* me, but
> > > are not who I am, who I have become. They are
> > > only the smallest part, only a movement in
> > > dance.\
> > >>>>But do you really release them? Or will
> > always be a part of you since they are woven
> > into the beautiful tapestry of your Life?? I
> > just try to come to terms with it. Understand
> > what lesson(s) were meant for me by having to
> > thru various challenges.
> ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Addressed in the previous post, but,
> yeah – I would like to think I release them.
> Honestly, though – I’m unsure. Do I hold on to
> them to maintain what I think is my identity?
> Yes – to answer your question, I hold on to them
> – though I would rather them be a part of my
> life, more than a part of me. How do you hold
> onto the Joy and let the pain go? Should I let
> it ALL go? Perhaps, yes. YES. It will be
> replaced with more Joy, and inevitably, more
> challenges. Life, is truly, beautiful – we just
> need to keep dancing.
> Wow. Isa – I value this conversation and the
> questions it btings more than I can express
> (without posting a rediculous spewing of words).
> > >
> > > The Dance.
> > >
> > > Is it possible to dance and fight at the same
> > > time? Is every fight a dance, or every dance
> > > fight?
> > >>>For me, dance is meditation with movement.
> > Its very surreal and so engrained into my
> > that its become as second nature to me as
> > breathing. Why fight? Seems like such a waste
> > energy. Although making up is always nice….
> > >
> > > Perhaps every fight is a dance – but every
> > dance
> > > is not a fight.
> > >>>Maybe…
> > Though I used the word ”
> > > fight” lightly in my last posting, words
> > > move worlds and the right ones must be
> > I
> > > realize my mistake, and a silly smile crosses
> > my
> > > face again. I chuckle to myself as a weight
> > > lifted off – and I begin dancing again.
> > >>>Heheh..yea, this happens often to me as
> > But then I just become a more aware Dancer and
> > writer!
> > >
> > > One thing in your eloquent (except for the
> > > ‘lol’s’ – you’re better than IM lingo!)
> > > however, confused me a bit. What do you mean
> > by
> > > “some of us know alot more about you
> > > you think. And some of us even face similar
> > > challenges because of it.”
> > > It’s not the some of us know thang that I’m
> > > concerned about – I mean hell, ever since I
> > > switched from paper scratches to binary code
> > the
> > > major parts of my life have mostly been an
> > > book to anyone who chooses to dive deep and
> > read
> > > a bit, and there are things I told Cam that I
> > > needed to which she may have told you… but
> > > what concerns me is the second part. ”
> > > of us face similar challenges because of it. b
> > > ” ??? Whatcha mean by that, me dear?
> > >>>Maybe i shouldnt have opened my big mouth,
> > chose my words differently?! I just meant that
> > have similar health issues that I deal with on
> > daily basis and at times it becomes a bit
> > overwhelming. I know what its like to struggle
> > to do what you love to do…to keep your heart
> > open…and your energy up. That was one of the
> > reasons why I felt/feel such a kinship with you.
> > >
> > > Anyway, thank you for reminding me of
> > > things, and I very much look forward to
> > > with you in the near future…
; >>>Are you goin to NOLA? If so i will drive
> > and hang out. Im always looking for an excuse
> > travel. OH yea…did you find a place to live?
> > Is it a temp/perm thang?
> ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Nope, not yet. My right shoulder is
> weary and scarred from the weight of the bags i
> carry. A few days here, a few days there, EVERY
> day wondering what will happen next, every day
> wondering if I will need to sleep on the street
> sometime in the next few. Where I will go,
> trying to figure that out. I’ve been blessed by
> amazing friends, but… but both I and them are
> getting weary. All I want is a home. A home, and
> shitloads of money in my bank account, instead
> of the $5ish that is in ther now..
> Me and another friend
> > of mine who lives there already are looking to
> > get a house in August. Although i ‘may’ get
> > there earlier and stay with a friend until we
> > get a place.
> > >
> > >
> > > “We dance for laughter, we dance for
> > tears,
> > > we dance for madness, we dance for fears, we
> > > dance for hopes, we dance for screams, we are
> > > the dancers, we create the dreams.” ~
> > > Unknown ~
> > >>Verrry nice!
> > >
> > > Keep dancing, sweet Isa.
> > >>>Always….
> > >
> > > I will as well.
> > >>cant wait to see:>
> > >
> > >
> > > I promise.
> > >>>will hold ya to it!!!!
> > MMMMMUAHS
> > *I*
> Hey – there is much said here that I would like
> to post, bloggylike. Would you object? I can
> take out your name if you wish, no problem – but
> considering my last post, I think that there may
> be a couple people that want to make sure that
> I’m okay.
> Besides that, you’ve said some brilliant things
> that made me think…