a reply I just sent that found my heart…

I don’t know what the fuck either.

We did talk about three or four weeks ago, *** & I, and she did warn me about you – but I choose to meet and get to know people myself, not through other people’s words or opinions. I make my own decisions – if I didn’t, I would probably be one of them christian folk – but I would still probably go to their hell – it’s just who I am! I’m one fuck who can’t help but taste all the pleasures that life has to offer.
I have little doubt that if you searched just a little, you could find a couple people that had a very low opinion of me, as well…

I don’t subscribe to other people’s interpersonal drama, and that’s why I didn’t say anything to you about what she said. As far as her making sure that you don’t perform with us (US, at OUR show?) – well, in my humble opinion, that is incredibly and shockingly unprofessional.

As I know ***, she is a very professional person and performer, and in the brief time we had together in NOLA I got to like her a lot – but we’re all beautifully intricate creatures, and a short time is no time to get to know a person.
What you have just told me strikes me as something that I really can’t abide by nor agree with. As a matter of fact, it kinda pisses me off. Once again, this is OUR SHOW, and we want it to be as amazing as possible, and with as many deliciously sexystrange performers as we can possibly infuse into the mayhem.

We all know that sometimes, regardless of what is happening in our personal lives, we need to put on our game face and rock the fuck out of our audience. It’s our work, our life, our love and our passion, paid or unpaid, and we’re there for a reason. We love what we do. We love the people that come to see us, and give them as much of ourselves as we possibly can – if we didn’t, we wouldn’t be in this business. We kick ass and then, and only then, when all is done and the show is over, when we’ve made people as happy as we could – we go home and do whatever we need to do to release the shit inside of us. We’re driven by passion, we love with abandon, we relish the beauty and pain at every turn. We suck on the nectar of life with all we have, we create and are immersed in magick and we know it. We feel it. We ARE magick, beauty, love lust brilliance and pain, and that is what makes us different. We do what we do in hopes that someday our difference will be common. We do what we do to change the fucking world. It needs changing.

We’re driven by passion, and as a result are passionate people. We have our differences. We have our beauties and faults – (and gods, I have my faults!) but we are one, we are everything, we are the axis on which the world we are creating will eventually spin. We are everyone, though we still feel, at times, horribly alone. This is our life. We dance, and try to keep smiling. We dance with all of our hearts, and cry when when the show is over, alone.

(Is it a curse of this life we have chosen to feel so alone?)

I want you there, I want to meet you, perform with you – and this is OUR show, not ***’*. If it were, she could of course choose.

For this, she can only choose to be there or not – though I really hope that she will be.

Do what you can to work out the shit with ***. I/We want you there. I want to meet you and see you through *my* eyes and heart, not someone elses words and opinions. I want to see you perform, and perform with you. We’re all Angels in our own way, and we all have our devils.

Come down to the Bayou, m’dear. Come play with us in the forsaken city. Come to New Orleans – and help us teach the world to spin differently…

7 responses to “a reply I just sent that found my heart…

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