Tomorrow, it will all be better. I promise.

Tomorrow I will have a home, tomorrow by books will be out to the world, helping some find an anchor, alliance. Tommorow I will help everyone, instead of them helping me. Tomorrow I will be able to give more than just me. Tomorrow .
Tomorrow I will build you a home, buy you a life, help you out of that pinch you’re in. Tomorrow, today, the tears fall because I am not all that I can be for you, but gods, how I try. Tomorrow just ask, and it is yours if I have it. It is yours even if I don’t. I will find a way. Today and every day I am yours, I always have been. You are my community, you are the people that keep me alive – and whether you know what you do or not, I will tell you now – you are my wings.

You are my wings. All of you. With each hug, with each beautiful word spoken to me that I still don’t  know how to respond to i fly higher. This keeps me aiive, nothing less. A quarter mile motor that keeps going, the passion of a dragster in my works, and you are the krew that lets me breathe, find. Green light go like there is no tomorrow., I’m stuck in the dream, wrapped in the chassis of a funny car that is destined to kill. Me. Please.
I am only one, I am only me. I know solitude, I am intimate with lonely. We play cards, draw runes, try to figure out where and why we are nothing but and waiting for decay, feeling it, not saying. Too much life left inside.  I dance with words of the future and pretend, hope that I will be there.
Today I have nothing to give but a brief kiss on your cheek or lips, only a kiss that contains nothing, nothing less than the beauty in my heart. All of my heart.You’re reading the words, the worlds of a dead man whose passion for the life he has found won’t let him succumb.

The passion of a dead man who refuses to die. Some of you read this and know what I am saying. Some think it is only words.

Worlds.

Fuck you. I love you.

I need to say both because I don’t know when I will go. Fuck you, I love you.

I love you.

A strange dichotomy in that. I release myself from all, but fuck, I am human, and my heart seethes with wishes and dreams and adoration and hoping that someday there will be one that stays.

I live an exquisite life created from nothing. It is what I do, What I am. Nothing but you.

you.

There once was a time where I was afraid to be alone – but now I am terrified that is how I prefer to be. I don’t. I haven’t figured it out. I need you. You, with yout St. Johns Wort, I think of you  and can’t do anything else but say goodbye, good luck,.
I am not anything that anyone in their right mind would want, and lonely has a new meaning, but one that was expected, one I am not unfamiliar with.

As far as down goes, up is there as well. I still have my dreams.

Fuck you. I love you.

I love you.

Today, it will all be better, and I will be able to help.

Quite amazing what a person can still acomplish when by all means, and Dr.s orders – they should be dead.

Flesh is only flesh. Body is not passion, heart is stronger than anything. I can’t rest until I give back. I can’t write anymore.

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