The gift of an exquisite crystal from the bottom of Tiger Leaping Gorge in China, the gift of hugs that lifted my soul. That is what I received.
The gift of the someones who I can, without question, call friends. The gift of bringing me back from the uncertainty and darkness that rides shotgun in my soul and is all too familiar, the gift of a klown’s couch and the laughter we share, the things we come up with together. This is what I recieve, what I need so desperately right now, unvoiced but… they know.
Times are fragile. I search for the path and find it in them  – in you. So this is why I’m here? No. To accept and fight like hell to have the means to give back. No one knows the tears that fall in the silence. No one. To give back. For once I want to cry because I have seen you smile, and I want to be a part of the reason.

Homeless, broke, all I have are these words, my dreams, and the people I love.
I have riches beyond all imagination. We all do. Open your heart so that you can see. All I want to do is kiss away your tears and replace them with a smile, like you have done for me. All I want to do is


Who am I to deserve this? Who am I to deserve these people?

only me.

for you.

As far down as it goes it reaches higher. My van gets towed, my home is gone but there is still hope? There needs to be. I take these broken wings and paste them back together with dreams and passion. One day I will fly again, one day I will be cured or dead, but there is much to do before then. I have you.

Sitting on a couch in the Mission caring for a cat, soon to leave and head to Oakland where I will be locked. Only enough money to get there.

I am not here in vain – but frequently I wish I weren’t here
at all.


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