My leg is healing. This is good.
From a hole to a simple wound, slowly closing. I care for it myself these days, every day.
Most people have the luxury of knowing they will heal. It’s what our incredible bodies do, right?
Not so much me. Not these days. Every wound is a newfound terror, every simple cut a wish for an end to this. Strange thing is – I’m still here, I’m still healthy. Must be the way I see things, the way I choose – have chosen – to follow dreams.
For those of you who don’t know, I happen to have a little demon inside of me that fucks up anything that could be good, and makes everyone, eventually, go away. If you havent read that far back, I happen to have a little hiccup in my life in general. I’m HIV+. Simple as that. Have been for over 20 years.I only say this to you because I need to, and I’m a wee bit incredibly drunk, and I’ve met an entirely new faction of beautiful people from the first time I needed to announce this. I’m not right.. I write with my left hand. I don’t think like I am supposed to. I chase the fuck out of my dreams because I don’t know when I will end – and I want to leave a footprint, a track for people to follow.
This is no secret, but it needs to be contained, and not spoken of in general blig conversation. This is not bar conversation.
So – there it is. The lovers I have been with know, but most of you don’t.
And my leg is healing up nicely, and I will heal myself. and it is time to sleep, if I can.
I can’t express how difficult it is to post this. Hints have come out in a hundred posts, but nothing has ever been so revealing, sinnce I needed to, years ago.
but here it goes…