nothing, everything

1:00pm in the afternoon and I wonder where the rain we were promised is. All I see when I look out the windows is sun and blue sky. I’ve had enough of that growing up in San Diego. Still, the air is cold and I prefer it that way. On these rare occasions I miss New York and snow, grabbing onto the back of a car and sliding, skitching to my favorite bar, gloved hands desperately holding to the  bumper, boots always boots sliding across the snow, ice– but that was lifetimes ago. I loved the danger, I always will. At times like these, I miss the snow.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

7:o5pm, back to Falkor II after reading, back after feeding a dear friends pup. back and always wanting. Where is Zen? Is it wrong to want more of me, from me, to feel complete yet still yearn for more? Growth is why I am here – and through these words I become.

 

I am Goddess, I am god. I am everything and nothing, I am me, one of the few, one …

one who tries to break the set boundaries, one who tries to tear down the walls, my own, built as solid as they could be with far too much loss, loss from the womb, the peace that I never had. I search. I search. Find, lose, find again. I am a Warrior, I am a King, Queen, I am everything and nothing.

 

Nothing. Passion, Everything.

 

What is passion? Far beyond love, far beyond reason – in between love and hate is where it lies, in between dark and light. I am nothing less than passion, in between everything that matters. Are love and hate really so different?

I ask myself. I have no answer.

All I know is that it takes far too much energy to hate, and if I would be given a choice, I like to love.

If I could hate you, then I hate a part of me. We are One, the One, Goddess and god, nothing less, never, always. All Ways.

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