It has been a long time.

The story can resume.

My story, ours – the adventure, searching endlessly for… for something. Do we ever know what that is? I know we do – though there may not be words for it. I certainly don’t have them, but I try.
We make our way as we need. There are some – far too many that I see, constricted by what they think they should be. I know this well, because I was once one of those people, hoping I could find my own life in someone else’s needs. Perhaps making a living, perhaps being comfortable – perhaps giving who I am away in order to have a bit of money in the bank, security, something. Something that might let my mom and dad stop worrying about me. They need a bit of rest. Yeah, they’re finally growing up, learning who their boy cannot help to be, and maybe by some chance, someday, they will do more than accept, and understand. I think that they are still learning.

It has been a long time.
In that time I have lost me, lost hope, played the game in an absence of passion. It was a struggle to strap on my stilts and put on a smile, a sincere effort to create something like the shine in my eyes that those that know me well and for a while have gotten accustomed to – but this is what was expected, this is what they saw at some point in time, and them, being my friends and my life – I needed to be for them what I was at some other point.

Fake it ‘till you make it? What a load of bullshit… and in thinking, I have no question that little saying works so very well on those of them who search for something besides them that they can believe in.
Something besides them that they can believe in simply because of the lack of belief in themselves.
I was one of them once, then everything ended, all I could do was laugh – and it began again in such an exquisite way. All I could do was laugh, know, open my heart and accept a new gift.

But even in just random writing, I somehow regress from a point that at this time I know nothing of- I just write, and sometimes it ends up making sense – sometimes, it doesn’t – but I’ve found that people see in it what they need to find, searching through my verbal shrapnel, and that is all I could hope for.

It has been a long time.

My story can resume – it is a story of everything I have worked so hard to be – and the beginning of my life, again. This is where the story begins again. So many beginnings, all new – and all just a part of it All.

You better fucking believe me when I say that I would be nothing without you – and you are everything. Don’t be an idiot. just think it about it for a second, or a minute, or an hour – and remember it for all of your time;

how many smiles have you brought to my face? How many smiles have you brought to others, where friends or potential ones, perhaps even complete strangers as you walk by them dressed in your finery, your heart nervous – but glowing?

This is why what we do, why we are who we are – who we need to be – and you need to trust me on one thing – though the suffering might be great, though we may feel so fucking alone in a sea of the dear people we call friends but never see outside of our work – it has its rewards.

I have found them.

So much more to say – but not now.


It has been a long time.

The Story Resumes.


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