Sorry, too busy for you…

perhaps this is the lesson.

We immerse ourselves in projects so that we think that little else matters but what we are doing, what we are trying to accomplish. “Sorry, I was busy, with this, or that.” Emails go unanswered, calls ignored. “Sorry, busy. Really, really busy. Don’t like it, but once this is done, I’ll get to you…”

I now have time to look at me, this part of my life, the things that hold weight, that matter. I can count on one hand the people who have contacted me and asked me how I was in the past three months, but – I was no different.
Busy. Have this project. If you aren’t instrumental in it then I’ll get back to you – eventually. Maybe.

Fuck you for being too busy, and fuck me for being the same. Every one of these goddamn sleepless nights I question what a friend is, and in some people I know, have a hard and true answer – those are the few people that make the one hand, this single fist that I need to figure out what I want to do with, to either destroy or create with.

Sick to fucking death of apologies, theirs and my own.

perhaps this is the lesson…

I should never be too busy for the people I consider friends…

I know this side now, again.

2 responses to “Sorry, too busy for you…

  1. Ah yes. Been thinking about this myself a lot lately, now that I’m out from under my show and free to breathe, and see people… who are, surprise surprise, not available because they’re flying off to hither thither and yon, or opening their own shows, or whatever.
    It’s a really hard question. There are a bunch of people I really, really, really wanted to see my show. I sent one email to a couple of them where I outright pleaded, where I told them it would break my heart not to see them. One came through. The other hasn’t returned that email, or a phone call, in weeks. I’m torn. I want to let go of my disappointment, esp. since this is a very important and (for me) longstanding friendship, but I don’t know what to make of the silence.
    A benefit and disadvantage to living with five other people is that there’s enough busy-ness around me all the time that sometimes I don’t notice that I haven’t seen or spoken to my own friends in a while. That and all the moving around I do for work, all the interesting conversations I have with artists as they draw and I pose. So much sound and motion, but how much of it the people I really care about?

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