everything but…

"Damn everything but the circus! …damn everything that is grim, dull, motionless, unrisking, inward turning, damn everything that won’t get into the circle, that won’t enjoy, that won’t throw its heart into the tension, surprise, fear and delight of the circus, the round world, the full existence…" — E.E. Cummings

damn needing to live this way. There is no cure once you’ve been tainted by this sacrificial beauty, this insatiable desire that manifests itself in each so differently, with only one common factor –

this is all we can be.
It is not by choice.

Regardless of how we’ve found ourselves, whether from the first moment or a false lifetime searching and finally finding,

it all ends up the same.

There is no escape from who we have become, these strange apparitions who have transcended the security of this physical world, and who have become the ghosts of inspiration in yours.

We hunger.
We thirst.
We desire with such a profound passion…

but only with what we want to give to you. We would be empty without you.

This is what I have learned in giving life to these words, and being the perfect fool – the fool where people trust in, and offer their words…

We’ve entered the circle, and this circle is the one of the artists, the teachers, the dreamers, and of course – the fools.
This circle does not constrict, has no limits, bounds or bonds – but once you’re here, you know that you belong, that everything you have sacrificed finally makes sense, and in this circle

you have found your family.

I have found my family.

In being so blessed to talk to those who grace this dream with their words, I find that I am not alone.
Admittedly, I thought I was, for almost all of my life until only a few months ago…

We all struggle. We all have a dream that we will sacrifice everything for. Some of the people that I have talked to I thought ‘had it made’ – but perhaps they are just simply much better at creating the illusion of ease – or wording the lyrics of their sons do beautifully that unless you’re there, it is only a beautiful song.

The people I have been blessed by are, honestly, illusionists. They do what they need to do, create in their art the purest beauty (dark or light) of their soul, and know how to pretend that everything is groovy, baby. This is for the world to see.

I’m just me… I don’t know how to be behind the curtain anymore – a long story there… but after long story, I started writing – really writing – or better said, vomiting words.

Published, but I’m not a writer anymore – I just write.

Whoooah. I think that this is becoming blather – if you’re so graceful not to think it started that way.

Time to stop.

By the way, http://www.bigtopmagazine.com

You will understand these words a bit better by reading that.

READING, you fuckers. Take your time – they’re worth it.

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