you may be right…

…the song comes over the speakers at the store and instantly, helplessly I am transported back to my childhood room.

“…even rode my mo-tor-cy-cle in the ruuuuaaaiiin…”

back to innocence, when air was good to breathe and the ocean was clean, waking up every day to sunshine and the view of the Pacific, if I wasn’t already down there surfing at North Pier or Blacks, before that winter that came and took the break at North Pier away…

School was never right – bored the hell out of me, especially the people; Blond hair Blue eyed hell, talking unkindly about them and them and what they did and I never understood that until I realized that it was just a way to direct attention away from their own faults, while it was everything I could do to not constantly think about mine and I was always unsuccessful so always silent but gods, those were easy, fucked up days…

…”I may be crazyyyy…”

and here I sit, up earlier than usual due to an uncommon good night of sleep, loving the warmth of my Vau de Vire hoodie and wondering what the day will bring. The days are far from easy anymore, that simplicity is long, long gone, as far away as the innocence when I had hopes behind the words

…”but it just may be a looonatic you’re looking for…”

and here I sit, about to meditate and begin the day, back to work and work and work on Big Top Magazine to do whatever I can to make it survive, because it seems as if the two of us are linked these days, one and the same. So many hopes, so many plans for it and me… but it’s terrifying. Wondrous, beautiful, consuming, terrifying.

…”don’t try to save me…”

so another day starts, with Billy Joel going through my head. I must admit, he’s one of my not so guilty pleasures – bringing me back to the warm room, the Sea, the sunshine, and the sweet, sweet innocence, where I knew that there was a world just waiting for me out there, and I was supposed to do something in it, something good. Hell – brown hair and green eyes, I didn’t belong there… so here I am world, here I am. Let’s rock this place, and make some kind of difference.


Okay? Ready when you are, world… here, I’ll start. Catch up to me when you can.



2 responses to “you may be right…

    • I want to, sweetheart – I need to. Right now my heart is full of want and frustration, which makes every word a challenge…

      I wish it was yesterday, and I was still on the road, long before this –
      but perhaps one day soon this heart won’t be so heavy again.

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