to the next

Berkeley, days of little structure. The candles burn and I’m a part of every car that drives by on the street, feeling the motorhome rock in the wake of someone with somewhere to go. I have somewhere to go as well, but it does not have a name… I have anywhere but here to be, and everywhre but here calls.

Each direction has its own Sirens, and I hear them all, always these days.

I move my life from one home to the next, actually owning both. The time is getting close, I feel it more than I ever have before – there’s been desire but no means but the means is close and at hand, thought there are still a few things that need to be done first – remove the pain, then the morphine, then with the utmost clarity I spit into my palm, smack it with my finger, and follow.

Of course there are the places I want to go, the priorities… North becuase I haven’t been there, south to see people, to meet the beautiful new thing that was named after me – … … … If I wasn’t the one who told her to shut up all the time, if I didn;t tell her she annoyed me at times, then I might think that this was false. If she didn;t read then I would know, but she did, I did, and when I think of the few true friends I think of her as well, she is one even in such little time together.

I think I’m going to name this vessel ‘The White Rabbit’… Maybe – but she does need a name…

TIme to sleep now – trying not to think…

trying not to think of my beautiful, beautiful bow, which has been in the pawn shop for far tooo long and I’m not sure if I can get it back now. Pieced together for a total of $1300 and pawned for $100, just to keep the dream alive – to keep CultureFlux moving, to let me eat. Gods, I can’t lose my bow… there is such a beautiful peace when I shoot her and for those moments I am entirely there, and nothing else matters…

Perhaps I should sleep now – or at least try.

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2 responses to “to the next

    • A dear friend that I met in Austin & spent some very beautiful & painful time with (she was there for me when Bean was killed, and besides that we had some wonderful conversations) gave her daughter the middle name of kSea –
      I don’t think I’ve ever felt so incredibly honored.

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