A new day – can you feel it?
Drawing my Runes for the first time in far too long, I was woken up to something that I’ve been letting constrict my thoughts, even alter my attitude towards others that had nothing to do with it. “CultureFlux’s biggest proponent”, my fucking ass. Nothing but empty words, all day long. Though still wondering where that person I had such great respect for went, & even wondering if it was blindly given, even wondering if it was through a fault of mine, the hurt that it created inside of me is no more, washed clean, washed away – as he has been from my thoughts of confusion, my anger due to his actions.
And onward to a new day.
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God damn it, how the fuck do I get rid of the automatic line spacing on this thing?
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It feels so incredibly good to be active again after so long – the pain, the constant, crippling fatigue… I never thought that simply being tired could tear apart my life to such a degree – but it took everything about me, everything outside of me that I love away. It changed me, creating a whithered shell of what & who I once was, the person that I am fighting with all I have to become again. coming back to that person won’t be enough – I’ve been there, now I will be more…
Working next week on a fire performance with Leah, so many disorganized thoughts of different performances to clean up and create, and of course, CultureFlux. There have been thoughts of doing away with it, of laying it to rest, but as soon as those thoughts come I hear something inside of me saying that I am far from done with it – that it is far from over, far from the end of its life. There is still the calling of the road, and I still love having the reason to meet people, talk to them, show them to the world.
CultureFlux is still but an infant, and there is so much more to do…
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I’ve been thinking lately about grace.
It seems for some that it is only an appearance, a facade. Don;t let them know what you really think – say what you think they want to hear; be kind, warm-hearted, dependable – on the outside.
No. Grace is the ability and courage to say what you feel, to be true to yourself and others, to be honest, to be lelpful.
So much more to be said on the subject but I need to think about it and get back to this when I’m not rushed by my battery meter on my laptop, which is just about dead.
Today is a new day, and I’m in love with all of the possibilities that wait for me…