It’s been fun falling apart, but I’m going away to fall back together now…

Okay, Universe/Spirit/GodGoddess/Great Ooh-Ahh, etc., we both know that I, of all people, can appreciate your sense of humor, and we’ve certainly had some laughs together with things like my motorhome getting towed twice in a month, breaking down on the way home from Burning Man last year with Cory and being stuck for a day on the side of the road at, of all places, Donner Pass (which I must say was brilliant!) and countless of other fun times that you’ve had at my expense like some sadistic scientist seeing how much I could take we have had, but you must realize that while I usually am able to laugh at the absurdity, it doesn’t necessarily mean  I’m having a ball, ya dig?
You do? Okay, cool.
That having been said, I also need to say how much I appreciate that you never, ever, have knocked my butt down without somehow coming through and offering me a hand back up in the end, which I am grateful for and is probably the only reason I can still laugh at the games you play. You’re always there when I need ya, and that – well, that’s a good feeling. I mean hell, sometimes you even make things better than they were before you had your fun and played your little joke on me, and quite honestly, That is what I’m hoping for this time, too. I can’t really say you owe it to me, but come 0n now – this time you’ve gone a little further than you usually do, and it’s been a looooong time of a whole bunch of not much fun at all for me…
Oh, wait – I think I should probably let those who don’t know what we’re talking about in on what’s been going on before I go further.
A while back when I was feeling a bit stagnant & colorless, kind of blah and uninspired, I dove into the deep end of introspection & noticed some things I wanted to change. To “transform”. Things about myself that I felt I needed to shed & let go of in order to keep smoothly sailing forward in the perpetual quest of personal & spiritual growth, and all that fun stuff that makes me go “A-HA!” when I think I figure out another piece of the puzzle.
Well, the Big ol’ Universe got up to its fun & games again, and took a couple of words – “shed” & “transform” – and just went a bit crazy with them.Decided to have some “fun”.
Instead of my intention, which was entirely internal, it decided to play the external hand &, well, off it went, using this bag of flesh as a playtoy.
Of course to it, the body is just that – completely immaterial, especially since fewer than 1% of atoms that were present in the body last year are present today, and basically we’re all just energy anyway, a world of empty space in constant flux.
I must admit though, that I like this thing I walk around in. I mean, have you ever tried to slap on makeup or set a top-hat on top of something that isn’t at least presumably solid?
Long story short, (for the grotesque details you can go back a few posts to “Living Decomposition – & a release to move forward.“) when the skin is so thin from falling off I have now scratched down to the ink in a tiny spot of the tattoo on my left arm, my scalp is so dry my hair falls out in clumps, strange fluid leaks out of my legs – and just to add a bit more fun I have my entire set of teeth ripped out of my skull during all of this – well, I could take more, but quite honestly I think it’s time to switch this game around and see how quickly I can completely reverse it.
That was a large part of posting “Living Decomposition…”.To get it and its hell out of my head.
Not to get all woo-woo mystical or anything, but I do know that the more you focus on something, the more ya get it, whether you want it or not. It’s just a simple law, ya dig? Like gravity or the thing that Einstein guy came up with.
Well, the Universe & me being pals & such, it listened. My uber-awesome doctor & nurse set some things up, & that very Thursday I met with a person at a care facility, and literally just a few hours later I got a call from him saying that I can move in to this absolutely incredible place on Wednesday.
Wednesday. Tomorrow. TOMORROW!!!
Okay, feeling rushed. So much I need to do!
(Luckily, thanks to Bobzilla, I have space to move around and a place to clean stuff – and hot, um – liquids to eat. I swear, if it wasn’t for him and the way he frequently lets me use his home as a place to ground & just have a nice place to relax – and him to talk with or share a meal, full-time motorhome living would be somewhat more difficult, I imagine…)
The place is called Maitri, and I really can’t tell you how incredibly thrilled, how overwhelmingly blessed I am to be able to be there. (I mean think about it – only 15 rooms, and one just happens to be available right when I need it the most. If that isn’t blessed…)
I will be getting respite care, as some, while others are there for hospice. I don’t know what the situation will be, but maybe, just maybe – for those getting hospice care, I might be able to be a tiny, special part of their final time in this form, to give them something from my heart, if only just a smile. Perhaps even to learn from them.
Okay, I really need to split now, pack, and figure things out, like how I’m getting there with my bags. There’s a lot more to write but I’ll keep in touch, let you know what’s going on through my postings here on my WordPress blog. If you want to follow along and aren’t on WasteBook (which I don’t post on anymore, but links to this are automatically posted there) you can subscribe – or even better, you can find a link to this blog at the bottom of CultureFluxMagazine.com.
Can 90 days of heaven undo three years of hell? You better friggin’ believe it. Just wait until you see me when I get out at the end of December.
<OH – and if anyone can give me a ride from Berkeley to Duboce & Church in San Francisco tomorrow morning, please let me know asap by calling or emailing – NOT by posting on Facebook, please.
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3 responses to “It’s been fun falling apart, but I’m going away to fall back together now…

  1. I want to come by and visit you, was hoping i could come by after work this tuesday and give you some acupressure. Love you Ksea!

  2. If you need help moving in the future, I’ll be happy to help. I have a big vehicle that can transport stuff. Just get a hold of me on FB. Or e-mail.

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