Venturing out into the real world this weekend, seeing Mark Growden at the Brava on Saturday with Joby,
trying to prepare myself with short walks when the rain has let up over the past few days,
feeling the extra 40lbs of weight in my legs – or is it simply their lack of use that leaves me breathing heavy after only a short walk?
(“And in this bed, weighing in at 207lbs… kSea flux!”)
I need to start getting out more – much more. I want to leave here… but only when the time is right
and I’m able to walk around the city without saturating the clothes I wear
and wake in a dry, warm bed.
My bed, my beautiful bed, with candles, incense,
shut the accordion door and I’m back in my sanctuary.
(GODS, how I miss my bed!)
I miss working on Alice, constantly decorating & re-decorating her,
painting, tuning, writing list after list of things to do and actually doing most of them
the feel of tools in my hands again,
relaxing in my chair with a cigarette and secretly watching the world outside go by
feeling her engine start, warming her up
and soon, soon heading out on the roads that beckon me…
But first things first.
I need this place now, & as much as I want to leave it’s no accident that I’m here
though I need to take getting well into my own hands, & I am
& I am getting better
& I am getting stronger
& I will be back in Alice soon
& back on the road
with this place just another chapter in the past
& this physical hell far, far behind me.
Venturing out into the real world this weekend
and coming back to the life & friends that I so dearly love…
…And in absolutely terrifying news, due to… I’m really not sure, perhaps the fact that some
people (idiots) can’t figure out how NOT to message me there & I’m weary of repeating myself
perhaps because I want to know what some truly wonderful people who still use it are up to,
or maybe I’m simply on enough morphine…
I’m considering – considering – coming back, at least tentatively, to facebook… but we’ll see about that.
Also, phone will accept emails only – no texts, calls, etc – but that will hopefully be remedied soon – it may actually be my first f*c*book post?