Twenty-Three Days (or, Blood Money)

Twenty-three days and counting, so much to do and it s so little time to do it in.It’s almost hard to believe that my time here is coming to an end, almost hard to believe the end isn’t my own. I look back to pictures and video I took of myself shortly after I arrived here, and just like everyone else who I have seen regularlyduring the past year, the people watched me, cared for me – it feels as if everything happened so quickly.I think back to how it was, how I was, the pain, the uncertainty; and how ready I wasn’t to die – there is still so much to do, so much beauty to see, so as if the life that was almost extinguished was turned on full blast…
 

 
I need to be careful though – even more so. This is no time to let things slip, as I was reminded of in full blood-red color last night. In lieu of getting the herbs I need, I got compression stockings – it was actually either one or the other due to the lack of money, but I didn’t believe that only a couple days without all the herbs & potions I take would have an effect so sudden. My  legs haven’t itched for months, not horribly, at least, and the  I actually woke up  scratching my legs feverishly from a half-sleep, and with my fingernails had made some nice ges in the new, soft flesh that still needs time to toughen up.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Blood on my hands,
blood on the sheets –
gods, what a mess.
 
 
 
 
Being me, however, the first thing I did after I wiped my hands off was grab my camera.
 
 
 
 
 
Lesson learned – but it wasn’t really a lesson, so to speak. If I had the money, if, dear gods, INSURANCE actually paid for the herbs that saved my life and continue to help me heal, then this wouldn’t be an issue – but gods forbid. Herbs take the money away from the corporations, so they can’t work.
 
Still twelve days away from my next check, and meanwhile I need to also make certain my motorhome has a way to keep foods cool and so many other small things that make a huge difference in whether I stay healthy or not.
 
I’ll figure it out, though, one way or another – I always have in the past, this is just a little different. Things are a bit more fragile, and I need to remember that…
 
and appreciate every second, of every minute, of every day, that much more.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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2 responses to “Twenty-Three Days (or, Blood Money)

  1. Your refrigeration issue…. I’ll post / you post / we all post to Freecycle for 1) solar panels 2) heavy duty 12v car batteries 3) inverter 4) small dorm-sized fridge

    • I have my eye on a 15 Watt solar panel with the charge controller & all the wiring on Amazon, designed for RV’s & sturdy as hell – for a VERY fair price of $90. Have an inverter, and if I cant get this fridge to work they have 12v coolers which sit quite nicely on the doghouse (engine cover between the seats) 0 but some good HD car batteries would ALWAYS ROCK! Deep Cycle batteries are the best type for house electrics, but cost $160 and up for a decent one!

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