searching for a way out of this feeling
for a path that will take me away
from the me that I’ve become
this hollow shell
this empty heart.
This is not what I wanted
fought so hard to stay alive for.
From the darkness of death
to meaningless life and
I wonder what there is for me now?
Where has the fight gone
and what do I fight for?
In this life without beginning
there were no roots to hold me steady or strong in the storms
storms I create inside my Self, my soul, so…
I did what I could to build a foundation,
one that was meticulously constructed inside
to bear the weight of the solitude walls
and then I tore it all down again
only to build them back up
folded up my dreams and hid them inside
unpacked the well worn soulless dead eye smiles
leaving myself on the outside of me.
Now, it is time
to bring it all crashing down again
and hope there is enough light
to once more, and once more, and once more
dig through the shards and find the words
remember the language of a story
that could be true
gather my paste and bandages
my needle and thread
distinguish what is needed from what needs to be left behind
find our heart, our wings
look to the man on the table
see the well known scars
from so many times torn apart and reconstructed
stitch, paste, and bandage what I can
and again, look to the skies…