re-creation

Searching,

searching for a way out of this feeling

for a path that will take me away

from the me that I’ve become

this hollow shell

this empty heart.

This is not what I wanted

dreamt

fought so hard to stay alive for.

From the darkness of death

to meaningless life and

I wonder what there is for me now?

Where has the fight gone

and what do I fight for?

In this life without beginning

there were no roots to hold me steady or strong in the storms

storms I create inside my Self, my soul, so…

I did what I could to build a foundation,

one that was meticulously constructed inside

to bear the weight of the solitude walls

and then I tore it all down again

only to build them back up

folded up my dreams and hid them inside

unpacked the well worn soulless dead eye smiles

leaving myself on the outside of me.

Now, it is time

to bring it all crashing down again

and hope there is enough light

to once more, and once more, and once more

and again

dig through the shards and find the words

remember the language of a story

that could be true

gather my paste and bandages

my needle and thread

distinguish what is needed from what needs to be left behind

find our heart, our wings

look to the man on the table

see the well known scars

from so many times torn apart and reconstructed

stitch, paste, and bandage what I can

and again, look to the skies…

and fly

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One response to “re-creation

  1. I love your writing, but wish with all my heart you felt better. You pull at my heartstrings. I want to wave my hand and make your world…. everything.

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