I watch Ruby curled up against my legs, doing her best to take up as much of the bed as possible, and envy her sleeping so soundly, so peacefully.
I sleep a lot, but it has been a long time since I didn’t have trouble getting there, or wake to another day wondering what I do now – wondering where my life is going, who I become. Having the will to become that person…
So many things I want to do, thoughts that bounce around inside my head, each momentarily taking on a bit of life until the next one knocks it out of place, leaving me with only a glimpse of the passion I once knew for life, for living, for being something or someone new. For creating.
I need to find a place to begin again – the majority of two years spent trying to stay alive, learning how to walk again, building back the muscles… for this? This recluse, this uninspired shell of who I once was?
I know that, as always, it’s as simple as taking that first step, whatever it may be. I know that once I begin doing *something*, it will all fall into place, and the world will open for me again.
I just need to take that step.