12.14.12

12.14.12

A day like so many others but one that no one wants to remember, at least not fondly. If we enjoy a day like this, find some happiness in it instead of crying and wailing and professing our outrage over and over, we feel as if we’re in the wrong for doing so. I use the universal ‘we’ – one that means the others, the general public, the media pawns. The ‘we’ that I seldom include myself in; not because I’m better in any way, just, perhaps, different in what I see, what I’ve seen, and therefore how I choose to be affected by atrocity.

The outrage, the outrage, the confusion… the innocents have been killed and the media makes the killer a celebrity. Why? Who was this person? Troubled, deranged, mentally ill… the questions will forever go unanswered, only speculated on. Gun control. Mental health care. Everyone pulls out their soap boxes, dusts them off, and stands  as tall as they can. The outrage. The outrage. The Outrage. Fuck that – it’s the media’s fault, and always will be until the focus isn’t on making the killer a star but instead pulling the glory away and naming, over and over again, the ones killed.

Every single person, every day, all around the world. Would things change then?

Weary of the pawns, of everyone saying the same thing over and over and over to no avail, I turn away. Not because I’m ignoring what happened, but because I’m ignoring the reaction. I don’t need anyone else to tell me what to feel.

 

I look at my puppy, and wish that my life could be as simple as hers…; What’s he doing now? Putting on the thing that means he’s going out the door, wrapping it around his body. Grabbing the other thing that means I’m his, that attaches me to him. Outside! We’re going outside!

She zigs and zags, all the smells, must find them all and taste them. Everything new, everything wonderful and fun and bouncing, and we play a game. I call it training, she calls it something else entirely. I run, stop, run, stop – she runs and tries to figure out when the next stop will be, watching me, letting me guide her in this glorious new game. I laugh, she forgets all the smells and just watches me, smiling, her tail wagging, run, stop, run… and everything else – the drug dealers, addicts, trash and atrocity – everything else goes away.

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