This is still happening, and we need it.

You can do direct help through Paypal, if you don’t want to read about hos beautiful a pup Ruby is. is my paypal addy.

Ruby in her favorite place, after playing in the park.

Ruby in her favorite place, after playing in the park.

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Because we need you, now.

Because if I didn’t need it, and have something permanent lined up, I couldn’t ask. Recently, my left leg took a dive, but remainder herbs brought it mostly back. I literally could not walk at all for two days, scooted up the stairs on my ass to the roof, so Rube could run, poop, and run.
Can’t figure out the perks thing, but if you allow yourself to give, you will be flooded with puppy love – and more video of her, if not being able to immediately see her in person – but we WILL get to you someday.

from the depths of the heart, you remain.

What takes you back? Back inside your memories, back to who made you into you are today? What takes you back?

Is it any one particular thing above others, or is it everything – a chance sighting of someone who looks like someone you once knew, a certain passage in a book, so many songs…

For me, it is all of these. Something happens and it turns into an avalanche of nostalgia, adored yet almost unbearable. Can a person live too many lives, feel too much? Remember too much?

I don’t believe so. If our experience escaped the bounds of our memory then we couldn’t be nearly as strong, nearly as full of heart – nor could we remember what we fought through to become who we are today. In a strange way, it is different and the same for everybody. We all have our bones tucked safely away in a locked box, the key to open it being moments of perfection and pure love, giving everything to a person in hopes that they don’t run away.

For me, it is everything when I listen. I hide well my anger, choosing love. Tonight, it was a song. Redemption Song by Bob Marley.

Someone posted this on Facebook, and it took me back. Took me back to ninth grade at a boarding school, my first taste of Marley and the first time hearing this song played for me by one of my very few friends, the only black person at the school, Monte Jordan – though quite honestly, I liked getting stoned, eating avocadoes by the bagfull (my next door roomie had a dad that owned an avocado grove) and listening to Pink Floyd’s ‘Animals’ over and over on his record player.

But this brought me back tonight.

From there I remembered Monte, then Jesse from R.K.L. and from there all of the brushes and friendships with people who were “famous” – from Daniel Ash, a good friend, to Lemmy who bought me drinks while we shot the shit, to finding out what an ass Axl was backstage at his show and Daryl Hannah calling me “cute” in the same place. (I helped build his Harley piano bench for the November tour. ) Jimmy Gestapo from Murphy’s Law was a great friend, a violent temper but a phenomenal heart. – and ironically, the first leather I ever called my own had their symbol on the back before I knew him., a girlfriend in Cycle Sluts From Hell Circus of Power , Blitzpeer I think they liked me because I saw them as people, as equals. I gave them unrelenting shit, they gave it back. We never fought, but could have.

I am no better or less than any of them. Neither are you.

Just remember who you are, the strength that you have. I don’t drop names, I only use them as an example. They are my past. Because of YOU, I have a future. They are only moments in time, memories.

You are my family. We are bound, and to the best I have to offer, be it only kind words, labor or cash, I will always be there for you because I love you. You’ve been there for me, kept me alive – but you had no idea what you were getting into, did you? If you gave me anything, I owe you, I owe the world – and I have plans.

(Insert maniacal laugh here.)

In The Light Of The Moon.

We’ve all done it, haven’t we? Had an event or gathering that we wanted to go to, looked forward to, but as the time was whittled to hours, then minutes before we had to leave, as we grew more interested in a project we were working on, increasingly loving our solitude, or, in my case, a good book with my puppy finally sound asleep resting her head on my ankles, we begin to make excuses.

It won’t be the end of the world. There will always be next week or month, the City just stole my car and I have a disdain for the bus and besides, don’t have the four dollars to spend, don’t want to wait.

The worst of all – I won’t be missed.

That was me tonight, thinking of any reason I could not to go to Mark Growden’s beautiful manifestation, the ‘Calling All Choir’. Any reason… but especially getting there and back. They were the strongest. I love driving, loved having a car, and absolutely adore getting out of the Tenderloin – loathe walking Ruby in it for the most part… but I digress.

I received a message, straight out of the fading blue by someone who is becoming a dearer friend by the day.

“Hey darling! Are you singing tonight? Do you need a ride?”

I remember to listen, and I hear. I accept. The world does not work in mysterious ways. It works, and we only need to realize how perfect they are.

I remember Mark, so many years ago, driving by and seeing me in my garage on Paige and Steiner, holding a garage sale to hopefully pay rent. We waved at each other, and he pulled over. (I have permission to say this from him) – and then, said a brief hello as he walked quickly into the breezeway to do what he used to do after copping. I could say that he isn’t the same person, make this a lie – but he is the same person. Full of passion, determination, desire and… and love. He just changed direction. Now, he channels everything from the former past of the crack stem to the world, creating magic. Magick.

Then there was tonight, and for the first time, my voice wavered fighting back tears. Tears of appreciation for him and all the others, tears for… for everything.

We began with voice exercises, Cameron and I bumping each other out of love and appreciation and so long unseen, holding hands, exorcizing our demons, exercising our voices. We needed to be here now, needed to let go of everything. I tend to hold on to so very much… I have let go of more, but always remember.

Part two. Moonlight.

Mark crated a song out of a single word, which he wrote while it was streaming through his window in country. Moonlight. If I didn’t know better, I would call it contrived, but I see, I listen – and some, I cannot help but hear. A four part harmony, even the least of us were now singers with his humor and instruction. We look to him not as a teacher, but as a true friend, he us just that way – and as I said before, I would die for my friends. Hell – I would even sing for them. WITH them.

Mark requested that we sing all parts, find our range, find what we preferred to sing. I was, and always will be, Bass. (In an opera, I will always be killed. Ain’t that fitting? A New adventure!) Wandering again.

He asked us to form unclosed circles – imagine a flower. We were pedals. Bass, tenor, Alto, Semprano. Might sound difficult, but under him, easily and quickly done.

Then, he asked us to sing. He asks us to sing, and the heavens opened; He asked us each to sing the part we had chosen and then led us outdoors, to sing “Moonlight” to the full moon.

I didn’t look at anyone. I looked at the moon, singing my part. Everyone else was so perfectly singing their soul. My voice wavered with tears… and I was home in the light of the Harvest Moon.

One word, and a song so powerful.

It is nice to be back.

Listen. You just might hear us – or better yet, come join us.

FIRE at a dear friends warehouse. They lost everything, and more. Please help.

Very dear friends of ours lost everything in a a fire early this morning, only barely escaping with their lives and the lives of their pups – apparently without even shoes on their feet.
They are beautiful people and incredible members of this far-reaching community, so if you can help with *any* amount, please do – and also I ask that you keep pushing this.

Their goal has been reached, yet it is only a very small amount of what will be needed to replace what they can, vet care for the dogs (I read they were being treated for smoke inhalation), and of course, finding a new home – so please, keep the donations coming to them!

Update from Muse about an hour ago from the hospital. I really hate finding our the truth is far worse than what was originally heard:

Update from Muse:
For those who don’t know, we had a massive fire at our warehouse early this morning. Two of our dogs, Bunny and Wiley did not survive. I have two broken feet from jumping out of the second story window and will be in the hospital for another day or two. John is far worse off with a broken Femur and burns over much of his body. He underwent successful surgery for his leg today and was then transferred to a hospital that specializes in burn treatment. Eduardo experienced some pretty severe smoke in halation but is otherwise fine. And, most importantly, I have the most amazing community of friends in the universe. I love you all!

I see.

5. 38 am, and still, sleep eludes me.

I hate to say this, but I Envision my death. I have constructed it. I desire to live forever, and know that is possible, if only in dreams.

I see, see the world fall down around me and the struggle  of all. I  SEE.

I cry, the tears find no home

pick up  coins and set me to the river. Set me to the River of the Underworld, to Charrion.  Cary me on, when it is my time.

But it is not my time yet. I find love, beauty and humor on almost all and every thing,