from the depths of the heart, you remain.

What takes you back? Back inside your memories, back to who made you into you are today? What takes you back?

Is it any one particular thing above others, or is it everything – a chance sighting of someone who looks like someone you once knew, a certain passage in a book, so many songs…

For me, it is all of these. Something happens and it turns into an avalanche of nostalgia, adored yet almost unbearable. Can a person live too many lives, feel too much? Remember too much?

I don’t believe so. If our experience escaped the bounds of our memory then we couldn’t be nearly as strong, nearly as full of heart – nor could we remember what we fought through to become who we are today. In a strange way, it is different and the same for everybody. We all have our bones tucked safely away in a locked box, the key to open it being moments of perfection and pure love, giving everything to a person in hopes that they don’t run away.

For me, it is everything when I listen. I hide well my anger, choosing love. Tonight, it was a song. Redemption Song by Bob Marley.

Someone posted this on Facebook, and it took me back. Took me back to ninth grade at a boarding school, my first taste of Marley and the first time hearing this song played for me by one of my very few friends, the only black person at the school, Monte Jordan – though quite honestly, I liked getting stoned, eating avocadoes by the bagfull (my next door roomie had a dad that owned an avocado grove) and listening to Pink Floyd’s ‘Animals’ over and over on his record player.

But this brought me back tonight.

From there I remembered Monte, then Jesse from R.K.L. and from there all of the brushes and friendships with people who were “famous” – from Daniel Ash, a good friend, to Lemmy who bought me drinks while we shot the shit, to finding out what an ass Axl was backstage at his show and Daryl Hannah calling me “cute” in the same place. (I helped build his Harley piano bench for the November tour. ) Jimmy Gestapo from Murphy’s Law was a great friend, a violent temper but a phenomenal heart. – and ironically, the first leather I ever called my own had their symbol on the back before I knew him., a girlfriend in Cycle Sluts From Hell Circus of Power , Blitzpeer I think they liked me because I saw them as people, as equals. I gave them unrelenting shit, they gave it back. We never fought, but could have.

I am no better or less than any of them. Neither are you.

Just remember who you are, the strength that you have. I don’t drop names, I only use them as an example. They are my past. Because of YOU, I have a future. They are only moments in time, memories.

You are my family. We are bound, and to the best I have to offer, be it only kind words, labor or cash, I will always be there for you because I love you. You’ve been there for me, kept me alive – but you had no idea what you were getting into, did you? If you gave me anything, I owe you, I owe the world – and I have plans.

(Insert maniacal laugh here.)


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