Every day. I feel myself getting stronger, doing things I couldn’t even consider a brief time ago.

When I first moved in here, I vowed to take the stairs up to my third floor apartment as frequently as possible, barring heavy weight in my arms such as groceries or eventually dog food.

Two years ago I exerted all of my strength taking them one-by-one, hand on the rail helping be up. I can’t begin to describe how over a year in a hospital bed can sap strength, atrophy muscles, destroy what you had become and relied on. Simple strength, for simple tasks.

I worked, I work. What was once near impossible I now do with ease and joy, taking the steps two and three at a time, not using the handrail in order to regain core balance.

Everything was taken. Everything that is, except my will to live and always grow.

There is still much work to do, but the path is well set & followed.

I will continue to grow, to get stronger, to live.

I could not be here without all of you. My love of you, your support.

Thank you. I am eternally grateful. I KNOW that without you, I would have died. I would have wanted to, not having a reason to live.

Now, I do.

Thank you.

underneath

It swells and boils and seethes underneath.

I tell myself “Let it go and LIVE” but

it is not that easy.

Not that simple.

Forgive me for my trespasses, you never will.

I try to cut you away with my knives, the sharp edge in my soul. I see your faces on every target I drive my arrow into.

You named me, but I am not your son. I am not your child. You bought me but I came at a price much higher than you first knew.

So now I try to forgive, to ease this poison flowing through my veins
and I will.

You have no idea what you did to me, what you created.

I thought it was normal – the belts, the words, the harm – but something inside of me said to always fight, always dream, always see.

So I did, and I do, and I release you.