becoming what I already am

It has been a long time.
Far too long.
A long time since I wrote without the restraints that my mind creates, wanting every word to be perfect, threaded, alluring.
Enticing.
It has been a long time.

I threw myself into the game, threw myself into the work I do,

But in doing so I lost a part of me. I was more focused on shining, not digging down to where even the shadows cannot reach.

 

I go on. Somehow, I go on. I work hard at creating a new dream, realizing it, and it is coming into fruition – but slowly. Much slower than my wants, but I know that it will get there, I will be there, in time.

Saturday afternoon. I sit at my makeshift desk, a gift from Victoria, and try to plan things, I try to plan my life, what I need to do, what I want to do, what I want to give. The driving factor is what I want to give. Give back.

This is my primary goal. I help others and in doing so I help myself to be able to help others. This is my life, my design.

I have immeasurable gratitude for my first client, Jeri of EverChange fitness, who I am writing for on a weekly basis in exchange for getting my ass back into shape – a daunting task, with all the nearly dying stuff I did in the past.
I create content and information to educate her clients, and in doing so, learn a tremendous amount meself. Through educating her clients, they share and create more business for her. That’s the way it works…

But I am still starving in order to do what I believe in, and that – that is just fucking wrong. I know that things will be better, I know that I will grow – I mean hells, I made CultureFlux bordering on profitable, and this is intelligent cakewalk next to that.

The stringing together of words has always been my most prominent strength.

In helping others, I now know the value of writing.
It changes lives, makes them easier – even in the simplest of ways…

And this life is good.

 

This is not what I intended to write.

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