Welcome to this growth. It is not for everyone.

What a delightful surprise to hear from you and right before Father’s Day.
We have been concerned about your health and well-being and are relieved to hear you are well.
Great you reached out to your mother and I had to smile at the picture when I saw the two matching noses.
I’m touched by your concern for me and your kind words. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that I failed you. I certainly wish I would’ve done some things differently but I suspect that’s true of most fathers.
Years ago and today, I find comfort in knowing that you are God’s child even before you were gifted to us, that He  loves you and will never abandon or forsake you or me.
Quick update. Your mother is still doing college planning and I am still doing executive coaching. I have two new clients that are exciting. One is on the executive team for Disney in China the other is head of immigration for the country of Australia and she has 50 attorneys reporting to her.
Your mother broke her arm about three months ago in several places. It is her right arm and her motion is restricted but she’s coping. I was diagnosed with bladder cancer in March and then I had a stroke fortunately there was no permanent damage from the stroke.. I’ve had my bladder removed and now have a pouch. I’m totally recovered and playing tennis twice a week so all is well.
We love you and glad to be reconnected, Mom and Dad
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Before I can say anything else, I must address the animosity and pain that remains inside of me. It is not directed to you, but you are the sole person in the family I choose to talk to after all of the time.I was in a hospice, and everyone – my doctors, nurses and even friends – they expected me to die.

The last contact I had with Jill was over the phone, and when I could barely lift my heat off of the pillow without extreme pain.

She asked me if I was working, had a good job. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS???!!! I AM DYING! Please pardon my language, but that is what I felt. Still feel. She never visited me, nor did Katherine who had a stop on the train she took every day only one small block away.

Eighteen months, a year and a half, and the people that once called me “family” were nowhere to be seen. They offered no comfort, made no attempt to say goodbye.My friends did.

It was in those months that I saw that this “family” was a farce.

I have never been easy for you. I know that – but knowing now that you will not choose to be there when I eventually do die, that you will not offer comfort, peace, or anything I might need – well, that changes things, doesn’t it?

You, pop, are the sole and single person that I still love and admire.
I don’t waste energy on hatred, I simply say a final goodbye, and rip the people I hoped to believe in out of my heart.
Your ignorant wife is gone. Katherine is gone. I am much better without them than trying to pretend that they didn’t cut my heart open, walked away while I bled.Such is life. Thank them for teaching me the ways I can not expect anything from anyone.

I don’t think you will understand this. I know you more than you choose to believe. I have studied you, and always asked “why?”.

I want nothing to do with the woman who you call my “mom”. She has done more harm than she will ever understand, and for that, she deserves nothing more than my pity.

I have a great job now. I help people through my writing. I have found a way to use everything I could not say to you, and have made it into a profitable business.

I will write a book about my 18 months in the hospital soon, and will mention you – and tell the truth about her.

I know you love her. I just cannot understand why. I think that is is only habit.

Until again, farewell.

Death.jpg
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