So, do you want the good news or bad news first?
Oh man – I was hoping you would say that. Okay! Good news it is. Here we go.
Remember that book I was telling you about, the one that I was planning to write? Well – I finally started it! It took some cunning, telling myself I was going to sit down & write something else, but at the last second I told myself I was going to at least start the book – and that’s what happened.
It won’t be like anything you’ve read before. Unapologetic, authentic, moving & inspiring, it’s going to finally put into words the wild & often hilarious adventures I’ve had over the past ten years, from when I decided to give up everything & chase down my dreams… and it’s going to be entirely true. Wish me luck.
Now, the crappy news I just received this past Friday from my doctor.
It’s likely I’ll get denied the surgery I’ve needed & been hoping for for over five years.
Quick back-story: When my ascites (the abdominal swelling) was at its worst, the pressure was so severe that it actually pushed my insides outside. Squeezed a part of my small intestine out of my navel.
Over time, it’s grown. The skin has stretched, and even more of my intestine is on the wrong side of me. As a result I need to wear a hernia truss every single day, from the moment I wake up until I go to bed. If I don’t, the intestine stays out and even after putting the truss on, the pain lasts the rest of the day.
Now that I’ve fought so hard, and, with your help, been able to bring the swelling back down – my doctor told me on Friday that my platelets were so dangerously low that the surgeons told him they would likely deny me the surgery I need to fix it.
Thismeans never going anywhere, ever, without having to wear the truss. Beach, sunny park, anywhere I want to soak in the sun or just fucking be comfortable again.
These pictures disgust me. As superficial as it is, I’m insanely (irrationally?) self-conscious about the way my hernia looks.
To think that I may have to live even longer with it is unbearable.
Even a simple small cough causes pain – with or without the truss. It feels like my guts are going to rip through the thin skin & go shooting across the room like one of those trick peanut jars… so I need to raise my platelets, or this is going to be my life. There are a few things that help, the best being papaya juice and wheatgrass/chlorella – but as usual, I don’t even have money for healthy friggin’ food, much less indulging in things like taking my health back & being able to live a life that I used to take for granted – and so many still do.
So again, as degrading as it is, I have to ask for help. Right now I can’t even get to the pharmacy to pick up a needed prescription, because I don’t have the $2.25 for the damn bus. I don’t have money for food, for the coconut water that keeps away the bone-crushing cramps and keeps me hydrated as the other fluid is flushed out…
***So please – share this & give whatever you can. I’ll admit – though I’m grateful for anything, it’s horribly disheartening when I lay it all out there, force myself to ask again, and help just barely trickles in – like it has the past couple of times I’ve had to ask. Please. Help me get what I need so I can not only get healthier, but get the surgery I need for my hernia while I can. I have an appointment with the surgeons on January 14th. There is no time to waste.
Ah, but that’s right – I promised you some more good news.
The herbs are WORKING, and the swelling in my legs & abdomen is going down, much to my delight – and thanks to you. I’m finally able to consistently make it not only up the stairs without getting winded, but to the BIG dog park at the top of the hill, which for a while I could only get within two very steep blocks of. This, of course, is much to Ruby’s delight – but we’ve been hit with some pretty steady and much needed rain for a number of days now, and she isn’t to thrilled with that wet stuff from the sky. Still, I try to get my exercise in where I can – not only to build my strength back up after my muscles atrophied in the hospital, but it helps with the edema (legs) and ascites (abdomen). In the past 21 days, I’ve gone from 191.6 lbs. To 168.2 – with maybe 10 more to go. It’s slower, but much healthier than the prescription drugs, and well worth it.
We’ve accomplished some incredible things together. Without you there would never have been any possibility of getting better – no reason to fight, because I would have had nothing to fight with… but damn, look how far we’ve COME!
We’ve gotten this far. I promise that if you don’t give up on me, just hang in there for a short while longer – I won’t give up either.
I love you.