Reading over the life that I lived before I ended up in hospice is both beautiful & crushing. Right now (then) I’m getting CultureFlux in gear, performing on Alcatraz, the Queen Mary, being flown to New Orleans – and I find emails from people telling me that I *am* doing something right.
A life grown from nothing but the seeds of dreams…
I remember that person, his strength, his will, his desire to make everything better – to live a life of value not only for himself, but for others. He lived life like nothing could ever stop him…
until something did, and ripped the life he had built away.
It’s been a challenging few years. I was taken away from the work I loved and set out to try to survive on the pittance that disability gives me – the first time I understood that some things were impossible, even for me.
Now, I look for work again, but work I can do before I *hopefully* get the surgery I need is scarce; each day I go through what’s available on craigslist, and each day the depression and futility digs deeper into me.
But something needs to change, somehow. I know better now than to depend on the book, but I need to figure out what… and I will. I’m remembering who I was again, who I am.
Unfortunately that doesn’t solve today’s needs – and for that I still need your belief in me. Your help.
I’m completely out of coconut water & nearly all food, save for some left-over potatoes and oatmeal – bland as hell with no sugar or milk. I *do* have salad dressing, but after careful consideration I realized that wouldn’t work – I just don’t get that drunk anymore.
And of course, there are the herbs I need, and most importantly the food Ruby needs…
If you can, if you aren’t completely sick that I *still* need help (like I am) – then please do. I promise to do whatever I can, as *much* as I can on my side…
my paypal is firstname.lastname@example.org
I’m finally beginning to believe in myself again. It’s been a much longer time than I’ve let on.
Thank you for anything you can do. (Including & especially work.)