Messages Beyond Consciousness

I’ve never had dreams such as these before. For the past three evenings every time I closed my eyes and slept I went back to the same setting.
Back to her.

From the beginning, most of the dreams were set at a small outdoor party in a strange & beautiful place. In a way it reminded me of The Enchanted Forest, where I lived for four months in Austin. It had a similar energy, where you knew you were home, and everyone there was, in some way, a friend. Family.
As only dreams can be, however, it had its touches of the surreal. From the fire pits with twisted & colorful glass sculptures spiking out of them, channeling the flames & giving of an eerie yet warm & welcoming light, to snails the size of footballs & other odd yet harmless crawling creatures, to… to art, terrain, trees & plants I can’t recall enough to properly explain. I only remember it was beautiful, and she was there.

In each dream, the people were the same. I knew them only there, in this other world, but they were friends or became friends when I showed up to this place. It seemed – seems – like a meeting place in another reality much more than it does a series of dreams.

I seem to remember a first dream, somewhat like a prologue that led to these, where it was a large gathering of people for an outside performance, and peformers accomplishing things that even had the power to make me gasp… but then, every dream after that until the last, it was just us, these people I knew but don’t – perhaps something of an after-party.

And that’s where I met her.

Shoulder length dark hair somewhere in-between curly & wavy, she stood a few inches shorter than me, the top of her head reaching just above my nose. Kind, compassionate, caring & with an inner strength she didn’t need to display, but I could feel it was there. From the moment I appeared in this place, when we caught each other’s eyes, we knew…

We made a point of sitting side by side every chance we got – laughing, talking, wanting to know more about each other and someties just looking into each other’s eyes & feeling the whisper of yearning behind them, but the conversations and moments we had were short – as each time we began to talk I was literally pulled away from her by some force, as if I was attached to an invisible cable. She would try to hold onto me, keep me next to her, but even with both of us digging in our heels I would be yanked away, dragged over whatever terrain there was, trying desperately to grab onto things & fight it & either break what was ripping me away from her or at least hold to an anchor it couldn’t overcome, but everything I grabbed would be uprooted, torn, and and I would be dragged away from her – not out of sight, but out of reach.

The dream would end in frustration & I would wake up shortly after, but for three days, every time I drifted off to sleep for the night or a late nap, I found myself there again, in this other world, this place beyond the daily mundane consciousness we think we know, and we would find each other.

After one of these “dreams” I realized when I woke up that I had never had a chance to ask her name before I was pulled away. She was only a face, an energy that matched mine, and someone I knew I had loved far beyond the dreams or realities or time of what we think we know. I made a conscious note to myself that, if I could get back there, I would ask her what it is so I could hopefully carry it back with me in my mind the next time I woke up.

The last dream was in a futuristic setting – the space we had been in before was gone, and now I can’t recal enough to explain it, only that it didn’t have the peace of the other dreams. It seemed like most of the people in this place were lost or looking for something they couldn’t find, and that many of them were being pulled away as I had been in the four or five other dreams I found myself in, but still, somehow, I managed to find her – and this time, I wasn’t pulled away.
As we talked there was a sad look on her face as she told me that, for some reason she wasn’t certain of, it couldn’t work between us – and as I stood there with her, confused and wondering why, she started sliding away, a sorrowful & forlorn look in her eyes… and she was gone.

Her name is Constance Sebastian.

These weren’t “normal” dreams, by any means. I had never experieinced anything like these before, where I could take conscious thought into a dream and return to where I was before, continuing the story.

I have my own theories about the meaning of this, but I would also love to hear what other people think – and I think I need to. There is a somewhat obvious message that I can see, but I would sincerely appreciate other interpretations of it – ones not possibly (likely) clouded by my own judgements or insecurities, thoughts that aren’t veiled by my self’s uncertainties of my Self.

So whatcha got for me?

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The Strange Things Inside Of My Head

Well that was quite some dream. One of those dreams that when you wake up from it, you just kind of go “huh?” and leave it at that, not even bothering to look into an interpretation.
It began with Amy and I getting ready for Day of the Dead in my apartment (which was BIG!), getting dressed, putting on makeup, getting all done up. Johnny Depp stopped by out of the blue, and seeing an opportunity, I asked him to help me cover some areas of my face in white, simply so I could say that Johnny Friggin’ Depp once helped me with my makeup and add that to the list of memories I had for the reason of “just because”.
He left shortly after, and I was having a serious problem with my makeup. I kept changing it, but instead of taking it off and starting over I just put more makeup on top of the old. This worked until the top layer started peeling off like a layer of paint warmed and softened on a sweltering Southern day. Some unknown friends came over to give us a ride, and only then I realized that it was 11pm. Fuck it. Let’s go.
Act II (Completely Unrelated)
My makeup for *something* was going on well this time, but still undone. I looked like a half-done clown that had been in a pillow fight – I just needed to straighten the lines. Cut to random officer knocking on my door, saying I had tested positive for Class Six Narcotics. (Was I on probation? Huh? What the hell are Class Six Narcotics?) Anyway, after a “what the hell do you MEAN, I tested positive?” Pointless argument, I ended up going with them knowing that it would be cleared up – but brought my makeup bag and just for good measure, my Roller Blades.
I ended up in Summer Camp Jail, with ping pong, open co-ed rooms, and two air hockey tables that were being used for one game, the two players hitting the puck and making it jump from table to table. I saw all of this as I was skating around looking like some bizarre half undone klown. Oh – and of course I was wearing my bathing suit, because that made perfect sense somewhere inside the subconscious depths of my dreamland mind.
I was called into the office, skated around the multitude of joined rooms until I found it, and sat down at the desk of the plainclothes officer who took me in. There was another uniformed officer there, who said that my test results were most likely a mistake and they would get it cleared up as soon as possible.
And then it got strange. The plainclothes guy (who was actually quite nice) took me and another person I apparently knew (?) out, and we all climbed into a van and headed out.
We took beautiful roads that were unfamiliar to me, lined with autumn trees in some places, along the crest of tall mountains in others with breathtaking views that stretched for miles. Then, we started to descend, and on the left I saw what looked like the La Jolla Cove. In front of us looked like Shores Beach, and gods, what an epic day it was! Waves beautifully formed with nine foot faces, surfers dancing on them. “We’re going SURFING!” I thought… but as the van approached the shore, closer and closer, it was speeding up on this road that was only ours.
Then appeared something that looked like a Hot-Wheels ramp which ended just before the sand. We were going fast then, much to fast to stop in time, so I figured out what was coming. I was nervous, yet at the same time excited to see what would happen.
We flew off of the ramp in the van, well over the waves and the surfers and beyond the break, and then – there was a landing ramp. We touched down on it as if on a cloud, barely jostled, and kept going.
Now this road turned to the left, and we climbed a hill, again with extraordinary views. We drove for a bit more, climbing, when off to the right side I saw a Water Park. The van stopped, we all got out Somehow my skates had disappeared) and as it turns out, we were at the top of the tallest water slide. Just drove straight up to it, like we owned the place – and then went down. I stopped about half way to help a girl on another slide that was stuck, or afraid, or… something. I forgot.
Then Ruby woke me up to go outside.

I still want to figure out a way to record dreams. Oh, the strange things we would see inside of our twisted heads…